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This type of affair may well be a one-time betrayal.
The typical one night stand usually occurs when a spouse is away
from home, possibly on a business or pleasure trip (not to be confused
with a string of one night stands that occur as a sex addict pursues
his or her addictive drive), and in the heat of the moment, they
give in to temptation. Often this occurs in conjunction with drinking
and anonymity. This type of affair is not necessarily an indication
of problems in the marriage or that the betrayer is dissatisfied
with his or her mate. In fact, one of the distinguishing points
in this type of affair is the desire of the betrayer to stay in
their marriage.
The core of this betrayal is based upon bad choices,
poor boundaries, lack of integrity, and the opportunity to act.
Frequently, there is no emotional involvement, and it may well occur
with a perfect stranger who is befriended in the situation. It may
be motivated out of loneliness or curiosity, and is generally the
result of poor boundaries and the misguided thinking that "this
could never happen to me." Normally, individuals who have had
one night stands tell themselves that they will go to the grave
with their secret. This is not an indication that they want out
of the marriage, for in fact, their fear and desire to keep it secret
are indicators that they don't want to lose the marriage (even though
that's the wrong approach).
Characteristics:
- It is an affair of convenience or opportunity. It
is not something that is sought out, but rather occurs as the
result of an opportunity that is presented.
- The betrayer does not want to leave the marriage.
- There is not an ongoing relationship.