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These affairs are committed by those have an ongoing
pattern of sexual betrayal such as frequenting topless bars and/or
adult bookstores, viewing pornography, compulsive masturbation,
prostitution, repetitive encounters with sexual partners, and other
behaviors that are destructive to both the individual and to the
marital relationship. These individuals, though married, have never
been able to find complete fulfillment from their marriage. Rather,
they are enslaved by a drive to satisfy their longings.

Driven by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors,
they are powerless over their extra-marital attachments to behaviors,
people or objects, such as pornography. These individuals look to
these extramarital attachments to meet their God-given need for
love and acceptance rather than to the intended source (which would
be their mate or God).

Interestingly, this category of affairs is not about
the marriage, and often the betrayer will state that they don't
want their marriage to fail. They would have pursued the same behaviors
regardless of whom they married. Actually, for some, it is this
fear and shame that helps to create the dual life of an addict,
and which helps propel the ongoing destructive behaviors. They often
feel hopelessly trapped by their behaviors and at times by their
marriages, but are afraid to come clean because they don't want
to lose their marriage or their addictive behavior.

This type of betrayal is especially difficult for the
spouse because their suffering is not just from the betrayal, but
also from their inability to understand their mate's behavior. What
the addict has done seems so foreign the spouse cannot comprehend
it. Or they are in shock when they discover the sheer magnitude
of the compulsive behavior (like the man who visited more than 300
prostitutes).

Characteristics:

• There is a habitual pattern of extramarital behaviors
  that are either sexually related and/or relational.
• Typically, the betrayer wants to save their marriage,
  but they still have a compelling drive to look elsewhere to meet
  their needs.
• Often these behaviors began before the marriage, stopped
  after the marriage, and then began again after the addict realized
  that the marriage couldn't meet the need met by the addictive
  behavior.
• It is common for the betrayer to have made past efforts
  to stop the behavior, and to have actually been successful for
  a season, only to relapse after they believed things were better.

Frequently the betrayer has a deep sense of shame
and guilt.