Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!

The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.

Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated by AR staff. Drawings will be held monthly. If you'd like more information, you can also read our official rules.


The winner for March 2024 was "Anonymous"
with the entry "Entry into Class".
Congrats!!

The winner for Feb 2024 was "Todd"
with the entry "Learning How To Grow".
Congrats,Todd!!!!

The winner for January 2024 was "DebU"
with the entry "Wash Rinse Repeat".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for December 2023 was "TonyaSue22"
with the entry "Will he ever stop".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for November 2023 was "Sara"
with the entry "Lying through EMS".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for October 2023 was "LunaR"
with the entry "Stuck and Confused".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for September 2023 was "Kindergirl"
with the entry "Not My First Rodeo".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for August 2023 was "Betrayed"
with the entry "I Need a Path Forward".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for July 2023 was "Carolyn"
with the entry "No one really understands".
Congrats, Carolyn!!!!


Add New Comment:

Comments

Wanting to break out of the darkness!

Four months after DDay, my husband has finally ended the affair. I began this healing process with the feeling that I could not live without him. I have come to the realization that I am a survivor, and if divorce is what this comes to, I can handle it. But those feelings of strength are few and far between. I need to focus on myself healing for our children. I love him so much, but cannot allow my heart to be broken all over again. AR has been such a helpful outreach for me, I have learned so much from the articles and videos. Thank You!

Want More Healing

Married to my college boyfriend for 18 years with three kids. Found out 4 mths ago he has had one 2 yr affair, one 1 night stand and another sexual relationship that wasn't emotional over the last 6 years plus a porn addiction. He's completely remorseful and we have both been going to individual counseling and he attends CR regularly. I just struggle with feeling like I'm pretending everything is ok and if I can ever feel like I'm in love with him and trust him again. I believed he would never cheat to start with, so clearly my radar is broken.

Grasping at straws

We are almost 5 months post D day. It has been the most grueling time, for both of us. Married for 27 years, together for 28
My husband has had several one night stands and a non emotional but very sexual relationship in another country.
We are hanging on by a thread, he is sorrowful, remorseful, repentant.....and absolutely appalled by his own behavior. We still have great love for one another but are so hungry for deeper understanding and the potential for healing.
Thank you.

Struggling a year later

I found out about my husband's affair May 2015. We are not getting anywhere in recovery. We are headed to divorce and I don't think either one of us really want that. I can't get over what he did and he is too mired in self-pity to do any work on himself. We desperately need help!

Three strikes you're out?

Well, two months ago I discovered that my husband has been in a relationship with a woman he met on Instagram back in November 2015. They've between texting, calling, sending inappropriate photos... I never thought we'd be here again. See we have a history. First time he was infatuated with a woman at work and never told her. Second time he was looking at inappropriate pictures on MySpace. This time everything is different. He doesn't love me anymore. He's given his heart away and I don't know if our marriage will survive. He's moved in with his parents. I just want to be healed and whole. I don't have much hope at all to be truthful...

All over again...

A year ago, on July 5th, my wife finally ended all contact with her affair partner, whom she had had an emptional bond with. This affair was difficult for her to end, repenting some 9 different times...

We had really began to move on, to heal. We were better than every. Getting along great! Probably too great... we both let our guard down...

She had regained my trust... I no longer worried about her actions or wherarbouts, motives.

Until, all of a sudden, things seemed to be off about a week ago. Couldn't get it out of my mind, really. Started snooping on her phone (with her permission even, first time i needed to look since February), and found pictures of her with a new guy. She has admitted to sexting and interacting with at least two random men she met online.

Now she won't leave. She's unrepentant. I want a separation, with hope that she needs to get her crap together on her own, or go completely crazy.

Anyway, it might be great to offer this to her.

Clinging to hope

D day for my husband's EA was 4 weeks ago, although I had suspected it 2 months prior and he denied, denied, denied. We had been having trouble, no question, but he chose to confide in a work subordinate rather than me. While I was working my tail off to repair our marriage, he was in "falling in love" with another. He moved out 2 weeks ago, which he planned prior to D day. He says he is confused and is not ready for divorce, but also will not give her up. I am shattered. We have been together for 22 years, married for 16 with a 9 and 5 year old. He wants to split the kids 50/50 and I am bitter that I have no say in this. He was unhappy, he moved out, he is having an affair and I am losing half of my children's lives in addition to the hope and dreams I had for my life. I don't want to be jealous, bitter, angry and self doubt. My children are floundering and I can't help them b/c I can hardly help myself. I want my marriage to work, but I am just spinning right now.

Ebbs and flows

I tell myself nearly every day that I am not getting better. I am still that woman who lay on the floor on February 6, 2015 and cried for everything she lost. But I know that I'm not. I've woken up every day and got out of bed(some days were too dark so I crawled back in again) I've been strong. I've had good days, not as many as I want but I have had good days.
Still, I tell myself that I'm not ok. I'm not doing any better. WE are not doing any better. I'm embarrassed for staying. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I need help to get to the place where I need to be.

Holding on to Hope

I'm struggling even while posting this, but I watch these videos and I still keep holding on to hope...somehow that God will make a way.
That's all I've got. For my husband, the kids, for me.
Thank You for this chance; for just being here.

Entry to win Harboring Hope

Moving forward in this painful journey and continuing to heal. Hope Heals!

Harboring new facts instead of HOPE

Hello. I found out about my husband's infidelity in 1999, and it had happened late 1998. A coworker and close friend of his at the time decided to call me one Saturday morning and inform me about what had been happening. I had no clue or hint of any type of betrayal going on, as we had just moved into our new home after living in an apartment complex for three months since selling the old home. The other woman worked in payroll at the Test Site where my husband worked and she also, unbeknownst to me, was living in the same apartments that we were temporarily living at. Without going into details, my husband said "things" between them only happened two times and I thought I had reconciled this in my mind and heart but every time we would have an arguement during the following years, I would always bring this up in his face. Finally, after a series of events this past October 2015, and basically living the 'married single lifestyle' for the past few years, I brought up his affair and in January, I spoke to the other woman for the second time ever. She told me that she would tell me the "truth" since she is now a "christian" and after listening to her for 45 minutes on the phone, I broke down and cried for hours until my husband arrived from work. Long story short, he admitted that about 20% of what she told me was true but the rest was told to hurt me since he told her he'd never leave me or the kids and he was not emotionally attached to her, it was pretty much a sexual thing since she was in these types of affairs with other married men at the same time. You see, in light of the new details and truths, it has put me in a tailspin and I have come to a place that I never believed I would be. I saw my marriage as wonderful, joyful, honest, and devoted. However, my husband apparently was unable to resist the advance from that woman as it was she who pursued the men that worked in the place she did. I break down and cry and so many times, I keep having images of what I think was happening between them when they were together. My husband has done so much these past couple of months to reassure me that what he told me was truth and that he had no intention of ever leaving me to move in with her as she asked him to. I pray so very hard, we have attended a Retrouvaille weekend along with all the Post Sessions, traveling 4 hours every other weekend to attend them, but I still struggle with so many feelings and emotions that are hurting us both. I do good for about 2 days and then all of a sudden, the floodgates seem to just bust open and overwhelm me with doubt, insecurities, anger, depression and lack of trust - not only of him, but of any woman that is my friend that may be around us. It's hard, our kids are aware of this mess and one has moved out because of our fighting that we seem to do on too many occasions. I do not have anyone to really confide in because I don't want to burden any family or close friends with this. People have told me I need to ''move on'' and stop living in the past, but two of them were my husband and his affair partner. I should mention that she said they lasted about 6 months and he said it was about 3 weeks but not even an every-day thing, just when he felt like having s** with her because she was always willing to...anyplace...even in the bathrooms at their jobsite. I don't know what else to do as I have subscribed to this website and I love the video blogs because they seem to help me realize so much but my husband still doesn't understand the devastation this is causing me. We never ask anyone for help at all. We just get through things, and I really thought I was over it after learning about it in 99, but it seems to have slowly torn away at my marriage without me realizing at all. I didn't understand that I was harboring despair and pain instead of harboring hope. Thank you for reading my story and if I am not chosen, PLEASE PLEASE, PRAY FOR US. Thank you and God bless all your efforts.

Hi, I saw that you won the

Hi, I saw that you won the drawing for harboring hope and am happy for you. How has it been? Hang in there.

Free harboring hope

My husband was a sex addict he was a serial cheater for decades. I am left with all the lies and deception and no answers. I was hoping you could help me understand this .

Harboring hope for healing

Are there ever drawings for hope for healing courses?
I honestly think that would be one of the best things for me right now, is if my husband could take that course.

Our marriage won't survive

I had been married 9 years when my mother came to live with us in the hopes of getting her adjusted to retirement and finding her a senior residential community. She was unexpectedly diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. She died unexpectedly 2/2015. Three weeks after her death I discovered my husbands affair. He left me without discussing it. I pushed for reconciliation 6 months later. He left after only six weeks back. After I started divorce proceedings he asked for another chance. He only asked, he did not make a meaningful effort. He did not seek help. It has been a year and a half and I can no longer be married to this man. I need help moving on for I feel bitterness engulfing me.

My marriage depends on it

My marriage depends on it

Healing and looking for

Healing and looking for continued hope on the journey of recovery!

Trying to find hope.

I have been married to my husband just under 30 years and am a month from D Day. I divorced my first husband due to infidelity and trusting again was so very hard and was a long process. I never dreamed that 35 years later I would have to revisit this pain.....I am so very broken and just do not feel I have the strength to get past this.

I'm so sorry. I'm with you.

I'm so sorry. I'm with you.

Still Clinging to Hope

I am approaching the 1 year anniversary of D-Day. My husband of 25 years and I are working hard to reconcile after he had an 18 month affair with a woman he met online. I was 100% blindsided and each day struggle to process how and why this could have happened to me ... to us. I know it has been almost one year, but the hurt and devastation continues to feel like it just happened yesterday. I am clinging to the hope that anything will help me survive this. I would truly love nothing more than to get into this life changing program .. I am in desperate need of hope ... Any hope!

Please help us

Dear Affair recovery,
I am reaching out to you for any support and guidance you can give us. I have been married for 17 years and together for three before years prior to the marriage. We have had many difficult times as he was married previously and divorced due to her infidelity. Now I found out from the husband of my husbands affair partner that they where having an affair and he has ended with her since and can't stop contact with her even though he states he loves me and will take care of me. He has told me he did love her and then he doesn't; however, I believe he could be in limerance. Like someone before me said, it's as if it's an addiction. He has since told me he needs to work on himself prior to saving our marriage but I can tell her is hurting and thinking he is not a good person, when he truly is and how does he work through this? How do I work through this? I really want to go forward and make this work and I don't know that he is willing to go for the 18 to 24 months that it could take. I need both of us to be ok and I really feel he cannot get past what he has done. I love him and want him to forgive himself and give us a chance as he said he didn't talk to her for 7 days and I don't think that is hardly a sneeze of what we need to go forward. What advise can you give me? Anything would be appreciated.

For me and for him

There is so much that can be learned if you allow your walls to crumble. At a time when all I wanted to do was run, my husband said no, please let's work on this. I lost the love I had for him and alot of other things on d-day. I would love to rebuild that. Maybe, Harboring Hope is just the wrecking ball I need to knock the wall down and start allowing the love to flow back in.

Crushed

Coming up on one year and feeling crushed by the weight.

Harboring Hope could save us

I don't know how much life my marriage has but I'm afraid for it. The time that has already gone by since the most recent D-Day has seen little progress. The first time I found out about my husband's affairs was in the fall of 2012. I caught it pretty early on that time. I didn't know how bad things were and communication was always a problem. No more lies, he swore. Nearly three years of couples counseling, three therapists and individual therapy later, I caught him again. We separated and decided after a few months to try to give our relationship another shot. I love him, have for almost 20 years now, we have children and he says he loves me. This time around, I'm finding it much much harder to move forward. I really am paranoid now. My emotions are unstable at best. If something drastic doesn't happen toward the positive soon, something drastically negative will and it'll happen again. That'll be the end of us. I won't go through infidelity again, I just don't have the strength and I won't subject my kids to it anymore. I don't want that and he says he doesn't either. We need more help. We need to get above water long enough to get a breath. Harboring Hope could be that breath.

How do I Live

He keeps giving false hope that he's changed, but I can't do this anymore. I don't have a job, and seem stuck and dependent on a man who keeps saying he's changed. The shame I feel is overwhelming. I just don't know what to do. It feels hopeless.

Transforming My Pain

My husband and I have been separated for almost a year now. He is living with the other woman and he continues to deny that he left me for her. He insists he left because of the fighting, which was all about her, something he either doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand. He refuses to file for the divorce, and his reason is that he is afraid that I will move on and meet someone else and that man will become the new father figure to the kids.

The only hope that I have for redeeming and restoring our marriage is the expert help that Samuel talks about in so many of his videos, and the only link I have to convince him to get that help is through the kids and their counselor.

This is my way of taking Rick's advice and transforming my pain. Having been in every support group and having dedicated an entire year of my life reading every affair blog, forum and article and blog post I could find, I still say that AffairRecovery.com nails it head and shoulders above the rest when it comes to helping couples heal from infidelity. I have even spoken to an AR representative on the phone, who assured me that my husband does need to hear some things, and that he won't hear them coming from me. He has to hear it from someone else, and someone else who has 'been there.'

Needing Help

I'm not going to go into a long plea or my backstory.
I. Need. Help. I want a better life than what I've had since my husband's addiction destroyed it.
Thank you!

I want to forgive

It's been about 1 year since the last D-day and 10 months since my partner decided to really commit to staying and working on our 10 year relationship. I want to really forgive him and the other woman. I have so much rage, that I need to get through, towards her now. The other woman did not know at first apparently, she fell for his lie that we were not together but we hadn't separated living arrangements yet. When I found out about her a month or so into their relationship, he wouldn't commit to working on our relationship. About a month later he decided to work on our relationship and he pledged no contact with her. After several weeks he got in touch with her and they started the affair again. He never told her about his initial lie. But this time she knew we were together. I moved out then about a month later and him sleeping with her, he decided we would really try. I moved back in, he cut off communication and I believe he has been honest, transparent and trying. I didn't have anger towards her when she didn't know, but the rage I feel now, I know isn't healthy and may be misdirected. I want to tell her he lied, but that's probably a protection in hopes that she will hate him and never take him back if he contacts her again. She pines for him on a blog she writes-and yes, I check regularly. I'm not getting past it. I need help.

friend???

I have had a Christian friend for years from a Bible study I led in my home years ago. She moved from Michigan to Virginia and we kept in touch. She was having a hard time financially and wanted to move back to Michigan so I told her she was welcome to stay at our home while she looked for a job. She lived with us for 4 months until we asked her to leave because there looked like there was no end in sight. I now see that she was trying to look very attractive to my husband. They started getting together 6 months later and had an affair for 8 mo until our daughter looked at his phone Thanksgiving weekend to realize what was going on. Any affair would have been devastating, but this was a Christian friend that I helped out of the kindness of my heart and she betrayed me. Fortunately my husband told her it was over and that he was going to put 100% into our marriage. He always told her that he loved me and would never leave me, but he also thought he would never get caught and it would just end. I am thankful we are committed to working this out and that we are going to the EMS weekend in a week. From there I would love for both of us to continue in groups because he has much internal healing to do and I also think it would be helpful to process this with others and be there to encourage him on our road back.

One year later...

Still struggling. Almost one year since DDay and I/He/We are still stuck and actually I am ready to file... I gave it a year since having to investigate on my own to find this devastation... but he continues to behave in a manner that tells me he doesn't care, as I have come to intellectualize thst he couldn't have cared at all, or actually loved me - to have been able to sleep with others. And then not to move mountains to prove I should remain married to him? No. I have been doing the work as the betrayed and I am done. I need to focus on healing myself now

Healing is my hope

This drawing is a God send since I spent our savings on the EMSO course.
We are 5 months out from dday and even though we're just completing the EMSO course, it still feels as though my recovery is based on his actions and recovery process. I know it shouldn't be this way and I want to get the help I need to recover from this on my own, independent of what his actions are going forward.
I need to harbor hope instead of resentment.

Stuck

I feel stuck after 3 years since discovery and wanting so badly to work things out with my husband, but he is ambivalent.

Drawing entry

Talk me off the ledge. I want to keep my family.

Need some help for healing myself

My husband and I are working on healing our marriage, but I feel like I need some help working on myself. I'm struggling with anger and being open and vulnerable again. I would love to win this!

Triggers and mental imagery Getting worse

I think I need help and beyond - at this point the triggers are getting worse, the mental imagery is becoming more detailed, like a short film playing in my minds eye... I am going to see a psychologist As well, but I really need help mitigating the pain

Harboring Hope on a Stuck Ship

I recently found out that my husband of over 21 years has been cheating on me since we have been dating. There have been countless women, many of whom he cannot even remember their names, dates, etc. Our counselor often reminds me that we haven't lived a "normal" life, whatever that is, because my husband was a collegiate and professional basketball player. I understand that the temptation was much higher, but I naively thought he was different from so many of his teammates. He was not. He was just better at being deceitful. I don't know if I can ever heal because I don't think I will have a true discovery process. He says he loves me and these women never meant anything to him but I cannot move forward. I am stuck in the healing process and am afraid if I cannot move forward we won't make it. We completed the Boot Camp and are signed up for the EMS weekend but I feel that its all going to be for nothing if I cannot come to grips with the fact that I will likely never know everything.

I could use the help

7 months after D-day. 11 years of marriage, 17 years together. Our relationship has survived deployment, war, and deep loss. We have 3 beautiful, wonderful, living children. He is an amazing father and until recently I believed he was a wonderful husband. Sex and porn addiction seems to have its claws in deep. I have done a 12-week online/phone course for healing for spouses of Sex Addicts. We have done one day of counseling together. He has been resistant to spend money on any more therapy and too embarrassed to seek help from our Pastor. I am trying to bear his sin with him as I really want our marriage to survive and I know he is not yet ready to let his guard down though I believe he is fully repentant. I desperately want to do the ems online, but it sold out and I am not sure I can get him on board for the next one. I need something though, I need connection, and support and encouragement and a safe place where I can share the rage, the sadness, the brokenness, and continue to walk my path of healing. Winning this would be such a blessing.

Long Term Adultery Betrayal as both a Child and a Spouse

Adultery is tough and the devastation from Long Term Adultery is pure hell. I have experienced it as both a betrayed child and as a betrayed spouse with the added insult that he choice a supposed friend of our family and mine as his adultery co-conspirator and the majority occurred in my house in multiple areas and then for 3 plus years in my actual bed. He claims because she wanted it there. I wonder and he denies that the acts in my bed was him wanting to punish me via his passive aggressiveness by the worst kind of disrespect of a spouse.
He is also a sex addict (masturbation and porn for entirety of marriage until DDay). Pretty sure the adultery co-conspirator is as well. The distance from my head to my heart is so far. He attends addiction meetings but does no other digging into his choices. Need help.

Emotional rollercoaster

My husband cheated on me off and on from 2013-2016. I found out about the affair this past January and needless to say it broke me. I am trying to get through to him and waiting for him to "get it", but it seems we are just going in circles. He opens up to me and talks to me for one or two days, and then he clams up. We argue, make up, decide to try to work on the marriage, he opens up to me, answers my questions for like one or two days, and then he clams up. Repeat cycle. I am so torn between just giving up and moving on and staying. I have no trust and he doesn't seem to understand why. When he tells me that it is over for good this time, I'm supposed to just believe him. I need this course to help with my healing. I literally have panic/anxiety attacks. They are further between, but still come and go. I have to go into the bathroom to cry so my son doesn't see his mommy sad. Some days, I just don't think he is worth it, while other days, I see a future with him. I don't know how to process these emotions so I can move to recovery.

Walking through the muck.

I have been reading the free posts on the blog and finding some answers. My husband having an emotional affair over several years has taken a toll on our marriage, I'm not sure of who he is anymore. And even worse I'm not sure who I am anymore. Thank you for all the work you do to help others when they are at their lowest.

Infidelity

I can be helped by helping me to understand why a porn addiction can morph into meeting a webcam prostitute, how come he could not control himself and put me and our children first. I am lost and he is playing the i do not remember anything i did game but he can remember what he did not do, i feel that he is not being honest.

I also need help healing because i am still broken and tired of people saying at least he did not go all the way and have sex as if its any less devastating. I just am a lost broken woman and need help.

Don't know what else to do

I just need help... the triggers and mental imagery is getting worse

I just can't do this anymore

Forgiving and letting go

I need help to continue processing my forgiveness for my husband. My world has been shattered and I'm desperately trying to put the pieces back together. I feel like some days I'm drowning in the pain of our situation. I wonder some times if I will ever get to the point of being able to let go and move forward. Everything we make forward momentum there is always something to push us back down. We are definately on a raging roller coaster. We attending an EMS weekend which did help us but I think I need more help to further process the anger and hurt. We are currently doing he married for life coursework but our group has pretty much disbanded so I'm looking for a bigger support system. Please help! I still want my marriage and my family to remain intact!

Trying to look forward-we need HOPE

My husband had 2 affairs over a 5 month period. One of which spanned the 5 month period, the other was a 2 week affair in the middle of that time period. I was 100% blindsided by this. It's been the most traumatic experience of my life. My husband is also in a great deal of pain and is committed to helping us both heal. He too will benefit greatly from something that gives us hope for the future. The changes I've seen in him are remarkable yet the pain he has caused us is at times too much to bear. I think Harboring Hope could be the encouragement we need right now to move forward and give us to tools for use in the future. Thanks for the opportunity this drawing provides.

Oops!

I see I confused what this drawing was for-I was thinking it was the couples weekend. I think Harboring Hope would be a tremendous benefit to me right now as I struggled minute to minute bad day by day to just keep going. This journey can be an isolating one and I would love to find support with other women who know the struggle.

Finding Myself

I'm a both. But I was betrayed first. I've been the caretaker of 4 kids ranging from 15-5yrs, three boys and finally my little girl. My second son is diagnosed with autism. As if I didn't already have enough on my plate, my husband of 14yrs is a sex addict. I've always known there was something going on but he would have a great excuse for every little thing. I'm so sick and tired of all of this. I've been getting sick physically from the trauma, the cell memory in my body is insane! I've been thru 4 c-sections and He's put me thru even more pain and suffering. I guess it's due to the fact that I'm one tough chic. In the midst of our entire relationship, I've lost myself. I have no idea who I am. Isolated to the point where I've got no true friends outside of my support group. I am so grateful to have found them but it took this journey to finally have friends. Now I am in search of me. And I have no idea where to start. I feel like there's no time for me. I end up out of energy and sick every day. And I'd rather not deal with the addict part of this journey. I'm ready to be done with him. I really just need to heal and then find myself in the way to recovery. Please help! I appreciate all that you do Rick. God bless you all.

Long Overdue

It's still difficult to process how the person I loved so much can be so callous now. I've been trying to understand and forgive the betrayal for nearly 3 1/2 years. The physical & emotional rejection was so incredibly destructive to my confidence I spiralled into a pathetically needy person. At first, it was emotional, then everything was hidden prior to our divorce. I have no absolute proof of infidelity prior to our divorce. But it didn't stop the visions. Now, it's obvious, he's not divorced but living with her and our children in her house. The visions of seeing them together (intimately or otherwise) is emotionally damaging.

3 years separated, 2 divorced & I'm still hurting. I hide it 'okay' from most people but have disconnected with so many others.

Here we go again

Ive just discovered my husband's second affair. The first was in 2009 and resulted in the birth of a baby. This time, while also with another co-worker, it was an emotional affair, and I don't yet even have all of the details 8 weeks post disclosure so it could have been more involved even. She works with him and he refuses to change that. We are now separated and working with a couple who are coaching us in recovery. Nonetheless, I would love and appreciate additional support and guidance on how to recover, as this time I am healing alone.

Hope

I need to continue to improve

Hoping that there is hope

Almost a month after me finding information about a possible "someone else" and a month of deep investigation ripping the truth out, I'm exhausted. And now knowing that my husband had an affair only after 3 years of marriage and while I was pregnant with my second child. Does not leave me with a lot of hope for the future. I'm full of fears even though he says he loves me and still trying to work things out. He mentions that my attitude was discouraging and someone else made him feel better, but my point is he never game me the chance, in my eyes we had an ok relationship for me being pregnant I was pretty tired and moody, but I knew it was going to be temporary. I'm just scared that he can not deal with the everyday pressure of everyday life. With a hectic life that brings a house and kids.. I'm deeply hurt I go into this crazy hours that I want to divorced him and the following I want to make love to him. I'm ripping inside, I'm full of pain and hurt. I don't want to hurt the relationship any more, but I'm not sure how, when I'm full of pain. Part of me wants to insult the affair partner it makes me think that I will feel better, but I read is not true. We are bairly starting a family, we have 2 kids and 3 1/2 years of marriage. I though this was never happens to me, my kids or my family, I was so naive. Now I get up everyday thinking " will there ever be a normal day??" Where I get up feeling ok... I'm hoping that there is hope, I consider myself a strong woman, but this has prove me of how weak can I feel. I read recovery can be up to 24 month.. how I'm going thru this the rest of the time, can I even do it???? Thanks in advance as this website has been a lifesaver. Thanks

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