Understanding Infidelity: How Long Will the Betrayed Spouse Be so Angry?

Submitted by Samuel Tue, 03/17/2020 - 08:59

Samuel discusses anger, the betrayed spouse, and what the unfaithful can do to mitigate that anger.

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Anger

Submitted by Sara Eliza (not verified) on

I would just say be your own best self.
Anger while appropriate does not repair broken hearts. It only puts the betrayed in a bad place and gives the betrayer ammunition to excuse their behavior.

Some sins are impossible to forgive. Just give it to your God and move on.
I believe that God really understands broken hearts and that sometimes being your best self is the best treatment, revenge, and God given gift we have. Marriage is a wonderful gift but divorce / separation is also a wonderful gift if that is what you have to do in order to be your best self.

Timeline and quote

Submitted by djb on

Samuel,
Please post a link to the timeline you spoke of in this video. Also, is it possible to provide a link to, or maybe write in a reply, the Shirley Glass quote you referred to? I would like to write that in my journal.
Thank you.

timeline link....

Submitted by Samuel on

hi there.  here is a link to the recovery timline article:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2010-03-timeline

the quote is from a book by shirley glass called not just friends.  i'm sorry i don't have a picture of the quote.  

The continual re-opening of the wound effect the timeline

Submitted by robyn0325 on

Hi Samuel, I have been tremendously encouraged over the years by your posts. Today is more of a confirmation. My husband and I are way off of the timeline - but the reasons are clear. Our original D-day was June 2014. Our latest D-day was November 2019. After years of therapy, intensives, EMSO and countless tears by me - my unfaithful husband could never muster up remorse or empathy. His response to my pain never established trust. Only the decision to pursue a lie detector gave him to courage to admit he continued the affair long affair he swore it was over and then - it only ended because she cut him off. He has continued to lie. NOW, I sit almost 6 years after my heart was originally ripped out - and we are back at square one. I had such passion to fight for our marriage in 2014. I have purposed to forgive all the trickle truth that dripped out over the years. I wanted to trust - but my gut always assured me not to. I hesitated to type this post, because I don't want to discourage others. Trust is a big risk. Through all of this, I am grateful that my gut (which I believe was the Holy Spirit) didn't let me be blinded again. I am not sure if our marriage will make it. I certainly wanted it to and I gave myself fully to the process. I know I am worthy of love and faithfulness. Everyone is!!

Trusting your gut

Submitted by Skier on

I have many thoughts swirling around in my head after reading your message. This has got to be gut wrenching for you after several years, too many buckets of tears and pain, and several years of different ways of healing that you have gone through. I take strength from your comment because you continued to trust your gut. Only you have the right to determine if your marriage will survive in a fashion that brings you back into your light. I also went the lie detector route because I could no longer trust anything that my UH said. It’s was a sad day when I decided that I needed a polygraph for my UH. I believe it “got real” when my UH took the polygraph. We are all worthy of love, honesty and faithfulness. Thank you for sharing your journey.

Thank you so much

Submitted by robyn0325 on

Skier, THANK YOU!! Your thhoughts and encouragement mean the world to me.

Anger

Submitted by Karin (not verified) on

I totally understand Samatha’s smashing the doll house, I took an axe to my husbands computer upon disclosure, I threw his computer out the back door and axed the heck out of it and he has never had a computer since. He had a 43 year affair with porn. The anger is still present but not as controlling as it was in the beginning, thank goodness for that.

Healing I see will be a long road, the most difficult learning to trust him again, not so sure that is possible.
Thank you Samuel for your continued blogs, they are a big help to me still.

How Long Does it take

Submitted by beemercorp@yahoo.com on

I see the time line but I wonder does it differentiations based on the length of the affair?

What type of affair was it?

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas