Samuel shares personal insight on how to heal from the humiliation spouses feel from infidelity.
When I hear the words liar or cheater, I get a yucky and icky feeling in my stomach. I do not have the strength to face the realization that all of us are broken, without also knowing all people are able to choose humility and redemption. If I don't accept the possibility for change and repentance, I will drown in a spiral of shame.
It is hard to look back on my life and admit or pinpoint when I started telling lies instead of the truth. Like water is to a fish, it is something I have always lived with. That might sound strange to some, but perhaps a better way to explain would be to say that I have always lived with fear. Fear and anxiety that the truth is often an ugly thing, and I didn't see much repentance, acceptance, or forgiveness in my family of origin.
I do recall...
Samuel answers a viewers question about when it's better to walk away from your spouse.
Chances are if you are reading this, you are waiting for something. I remember early on in our recovery from my infidelity, it seemed that I was waiting mostly for some sort of relief from the circumstances I had created. I was lost in a complete shame spiral, and I wanted relief! I wanted the pain to go away. I have to admit now, I also was so ready for my husband to not be in pain anymore. I humbly can't even say I was healthy enough that I wanted healing for us. I only wanted relief.
When we first...
Samuel discusses what it means to lose yourself while doing repair work.
Samuel answers a viewers question about what to do when their betrayed spouse won't get help.
If you are reading this and your affair has been discovered, chances are you don't know where to turn, where to go, or have any idea what will come of your life.
You might feel like your life is over. Humiliation probably doesn't begin to scratch the surface of what you are feeling. You are now exposed for who you really are. You are a cheater. You are a liar. And you are a sham. There is nowhere to hide and it is time to face what you have done. You probably don't like what you see in the mirror...
Samuel shares a monumental recovery tool for those who are trying to get unstuck in their recovery work.
Samuel discusses a normal struggle for couples in crisis due to infidelity.
I am writing this as I sit on a flight to a sunny destination with my husband; the same man who has courageously fought to give our marriage another chance.
So much has changed in our lives over the past few years. We have aged. We have toughened. We are different now. The innocence we once had is gone.
Yet many things about us remain strangely familiar: our quirks and idiosyncrasies. One example of this, is that we are not...
Samuel shares practical insight into why the unfaithful hesitates to give details about their affair.
Samuel interviews MJ Denis on understanding multiple disclosures and how to help the betrayed spouse move forward.
When you begin sorting out the mess of infidelity, life gets complicated. As an unfaithful female, I started to question all interaction I had with the opposite sex following D day. I honestly considered at one point, that it might be easiest to just convert myself into a nun so I could avoid men for the rest of my life. If that is what would make me safe, I would do it!
Some of the questions we wrestled with early on were: Can I work with men?...
Samuel shares key insight into changing patterns when one spouse seems to be the pursuer.
I was reading through many of my journal entries during the first year after discovery. I have several journals that are stuffed with scribbles, thoughts, and pages of raw and bloodied emotion. As I thumb through the hundreds of pages, I can see the narrative of God slowly eradicating my shame. When it came to my betrayed husband though, the theme of my writing seemed to revolve around a feeling of...
Samuel interviews Rick the founder of affairrecovery.com on defensiveness and how to remedy it.
Samuel discuses an important recovery tool for those who deal with anger in repair work.
Samuel discusses gaslighting and both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse.
If there was a scale of emotions, I think it's safe to say we all prefer to be somewhere right in the middle; somewhere between 65 and 75 degrees. . . not too hot, not too cold.
If your story and recovery has looked anything like ours, then you've probably realized that you and your mate's emotions can go way off the charts. We have been on roller coasters of highs and lows. We've experienced days where there seems to be no love or hope left at all. Days where frozen is an understatement...
As a real estate and small business attorney, I have always been drawn to the processes that emerge during real estate and business deals. Emotions run high at the hope of future opportunity in the early stages. As particulars are investigated, uncertainties become clearer and some risks become calculable. There is always a gap between what is known and what can only be projected. Ultimately, the constraints of resources and time merge to force a decision. It is in that moment that instincts prevail and the process becomes poetic. It is also in that moment that the uneasy feelings of uncertainty...
If you find yourself in the first few months of discovery, chances are you are enduring many mornings that you don't see the point of getting out of bed. Your world and life as you knew it are gone. Life can seem empty and cold. Looking back on our first six months after discovery, there were days it seemed like an eternity of pure hell.
Grief doesn't even begin to describe it. Like many of you, we have all endured losses. We've lost parents. We've lost jobs....
Samuel shares a humorous but telling story about his motivation in recovery work.
Samuel has a heart to heart with the unfaithful spouse about choosing their partner.
In the Bible, one of the most beloved, well known, and controversial stories is one that Jesus told of the Prodigal son.
Prodigal actually means "wasteful, reckless, irresponsible and selfish." Sounds a lot like me when I was unfaithful....
Samuel shares a few humorous stories about he and Samantha's recovery work after infidelity.
Samuel discusses a tool to avoid unnecessary conflict in repair work.
I've had the urge to write this blog for some time, but I keep finding myself putting it off. I know it will take some effort and may not flow as easily as some of the earlier ones. This process started for me when I heard a well-known quote from the famous philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard:
"Life can only be...
Early on in recovery, I was so angry at my husband for suggesting I have a love addiction. I am so ashamed to think of how prideful I can be. In my mind, a woman with a so-called love addiction had serious issues. I had a stereotype in my head that this would be a woman constantly on dating sites, wearing clothing from Victoria's Secret, or someone completely out of control. This was not me.
I was a mom for crying out loud. I drive a minivan. I carpool. I go to church. I was married. I...
