Surviving Infidelity: Finding the Root Problem And How To Heal

Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

I once heard that if you put a smart mouse in a maze and put a piece of cheese on the other side of the maze, the mouse will follow its nose until it finds the cheese. If you do this repeatedly and put the cheese in the same place in the maze, eventually the mouse will memorize the course and go straight to the cheese each time. Then, if you move the cheese and place it elsewhere, the mouse will immediately go to the original place expecting to find the cheese. Not finding the cheese, but sti...

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What to read next

Untransformed Pain will be Transmitted
Is Change Really Possible, Part Two
How to Change, Part Three
Achieving Real Change, part 4
Pain Not Transformed Is Transmitted: Healing After An Affair

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Comments

Submitted by JenRH (not verified) on 14 years 2 months

This is very true. After finding out about my husbands affair, I've come to realize that I need to work on my self and be happy with me. He can only change himself and be happy again once he's happy with in himself. We can not change each other, but we can work together to make our marriage better. It's been a hard lesson to learn the way we have, but healing has started. We have a long way to go but we are just trying to take it one day at a time. We do not want to become a statistic. Thank you for sharing these articles. They are helpful.

Submitted by Anonymous on 14 years 2 months

Beautifully stated - my marriage stated to heal when I started to heal. When I tried to work on the problems with the marriage, growth and movement forward became stagnant. As soon as I shifted focus to myself, the stress on the marriage lifted. My husband followed a similar internal focus and suddenly we remembered why we were best friends.

Submitted by Anonymous on 14 years 2 months

I agree that betrayed spouses need to become more confident in ourselves, however when the cheater continues a habit of secrecy which made the affair possible in the first place, making that decision to trust becomes extremely difficult if not impossible. I have spent many hours, days and months blaming myself for my own inadequacies. I am grateful I have friends to support me and sad/hurt that my husband cannot be one of those friends.

Submitted by Anonymous on 14 years 2 months

Your article came at a perfect time. I have been overwhelmed with self hatred for having an affair. I realize I need to let go of my self hatred in order to begin work on my marriage.

I have been obsessing about the Grass is Greener, so your article was very helpful. Thank You!

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