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Matt Monteverde's struggle with infidelity was rooted in deep, unaddressed personal issues. The PTSD from his time in the military and law enforcement led him down a path of becoming an emotionally abusive alcoholic who placed the blame on his wife. When his wife stood firm, Matt believed...
“You don’t need trust.”, I read.
“The hell I don’t!?!”, I scoffed out of disbelief for what I was reading.
I was sitting in the lobby of a polygrapher’s office, waiting for my husband to come out with his “report card” in hand. That’s...
I went to an end-of-the-year bash with a bunch of friends during my junior year in high school. We had a great time grilling burgers and listening to music, but two of my friends wanted a bit more excitement and decided to put a cup of ice down my pants. I, on the other hand, wasn't interested in this type of fun and the chase began.
I was faster than my friends, but also lazy. I didn't want to expend too much...
"Rick, don't you want to help your mate move beyond the pain of betrayal after your affair?"
It was certainly important to me, but, initially, my responses to Stephanie's pain only made things worse. Eventually I was able to realize when Stephanie was emotionally flooded, and quickly learned that in those moments I couldn't necessarily make things better, but I could certainly make things worse.
Dealing with intrusive thoughts and painful triggers is...
Do you feel like you're in a battle? You feel weary, run down, and defeated. Is it hard to open your eyes in the morning to face the day? Does the thought of getting up and having to go through the motions of another day feel like more than you can bear? Is the highlight of your day when you can finally bury yourself under the blankets, or a bottle of wine, or [fill in your own blank]?
I understand that well. But, I'd like to share with you today a story of an epic battle and a hard-won victory.
For...
There's a big difference between general anxiety and trauma-induced anxiety. The kind that comes from trauma is a whole different animal. It's like a silent killer that carries with it the fear of being hurt again, and it forces you to relive the pain of...
When discussing the future of the marriage, the concept of recommitting eventually takes center stage. I'm reminded of a folk tale about a chicken and a pig trying to decide what each should bring to a big party they're throwing. The chicken says he'd be happy to bring some eggs for the party, and he suggests the pig bring some bacon.
"That's not quite fair," the pig responded,...
Today, I'd like to begin by reflecting on a conversation I once had with an angry, wayward spouse. He had been trying to gain his wife's forgiveness ever since his affair two years prior. Sadly, he wasn't making much progress. The sad part in this particular situation wasn't her inability to forgive him, it was the fact that the bitterness...
The night I found out the truth about my marriage is one I’ll never forget. Our new living room was cluttered with moving boxes and packing paper. I had just come from the pool with my daughters, and the cool water hadn’t been enough to clear the fog I felt. Revelations had been trickling forth for days. My husband and I had planned to talk after the girls went to sleep. Deep within, I knew something big was coming as the truth was uncovered.
Each summer, as the anniversary of that night nears, I...
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