I can’t believe the price of gas. I never dreamed I would pay more for a gallon of gas than I do for a gallon of milk. The squeeze to my pocketbook has me thinking of alternative fuels and hybrid cars. Living outside of town leaves me with a lengthy daily commute and I’ve got to find a more economical way to get to work. At the same time, I know with my current vehicles I’m stuck, because my cars run only on petroleum products.

We as humans, however, are a bit more complex. Multiple things can drive us. For physical energy we can consume all kinds of food and drink. Some things, of course, are better than others. But our actions are driven by other fuels. What fuels do you use to drive your life? Unlike food, there is only one fuel that is really effective for powering our lives. There are a number of alternative fuels at our disposal, but each of these comes with a price.

Some of us put fear in the tank. This alternative fuel is the primary motivating factor for many people. There is nothing like fear to get us up and moving. We are driven to avoid our worst nightmare. We think that failure to act could lead to catastrophic events, so we run on our little wheel of life, afraid to stop for fear of what might happen. Worse yet, we fear what others will think if we fail to meet their expectations. We fear being a disappointment. Fear is a great motivator, but it’s a lousy “life” fuel. It motivates, but the byproducts are anxiety and hyper-vigilance. With fear, there is no rest for the weary and it leaves us amazingly self-centered as we try to avoid whatever we fear.

Another popular fuel is guilt. When guilt is our source, we are driven to not screw up by repeating our past mistakes. We are always striving to make up for past indiscretions. Acceptability to self and others is motivated by having to “get it right.” We feel we have failed and penance must be paid. We are driven to be good to avoid the feelings of guilt. As a “life” fuel, guilt works great. It can successfully propel us through life, but the byproducts are really harmful. Guilt leaves us feeling inadequate, unworthy, and unlovable. With guilt, we never have a sense of being good enough and it, like fear, leaves us self-centered and focused on our own performance.

For some, anger is the tiger in the tank. For those using anger, “getting it right” is all that counts. When others miss the mark, we bring all our energies to bear in order to correct the mistake. Our peace is tied to external events and circumstances. As long as others behave we can be fine, but if they (or even we) fail to perform, then anger drives us to correct all that is wrong. As a “life” fuel, anger has certain pluses; it’s a strong motivator and can last a lifetime, but the byproduct is the destruction of all life. We kill those we love and we ravage our own souls. Anger turned inward leaves us in a state of depression, while anger directed outward leaves a path of bleeding souls and transforms us into self-righteous jerks.

Another fuel of choice is shame or pride. Many people fail to recognize that shame and pride are one and the same. You just change the perspective from positive to negative. Both fuels are based on our perceived need to be good enough. Shame and pride differ from guilt in the essence of the message. The message of guilt is “I did bad,” while the message of shame and pride is “I am bad” or “I am good” respectively. With shame or pride in the tank, our life mission is to prove our value. We are driven to prove our worth. This may well be the most popular of all alternative fuels. We feel that if we can prove our value, then we’ll be esteemed and respected. As a motivator, shame and pride can also drive us through life, but the byproduct is frustration, life failure, and self-centeredness. As I understand history, there has only been one person who was actually good enough and He died a long time ago. The probabilities of any of us being number two are slim to none. For those driven by shame and pride, that reality never sinks in. They live a life of vanity and defeat. Instead of bringing life, it robs us of the very life we seek.

So what’s the intended fuel? “Love.” That’s what our systems are designed for. Love drives the system far better than any of the above mentioned fuels. Love brings life to self and others. It energizes and gives us meaning and relevance. The only problem is that love is a full, high octane fuel and has some unexpected results. At times, love also requires suffering which may be why frequently we are tempted to use a fuel other than love, but only love can leave each of us whole and complete.

In the world of infidelity, it’s particularly difficult to choose love as our source. When we’re in pain, it’s difficult at best to be driven by love especially when it requires suffering. I’ve discovered that my willingness to suffer for love’s sake not only produces life in others, but in the long run, it’s the only thing that can sustain me.

As you travel through these difficult times, please check the fuel in the tank. Question your motivations and try to determine what is driving you. If it’s anything other than love, I strongly encourage you to choose love and find new life.