Q&A How Can I Share My Emotions without Triggering My Partners Shame?

My husband's shame is preventing him from connecting to me, and that's preventing me from being vulnerable. I'm very sad over this. When we try to discuss anything where I feel scared, for example when he forgot to pay his speeding ticket, he either becomes defensive, withdrawals, or attacks me as nagging him. I tell him I believe he may be going into one of those three when I notice it and ask if he can share how he feels, he breaks down and either cries or withdrawals again and we can't re-engage. We are 16 months from D-Day and my husband is a sex addict. He's doing okay at that recovery but seems stuck on this one. In the beginning I wasn't healthy, so I can understand a fear to open up, but I don't know how to approach not being able to share my feelings in my marriage. It breaks my heart. I tried simply stating that today, we went through the same cycle, and now I'm writing this. I pray, meditate, and work out, so happy when engaged in life activities, but it's those quiet moments in between that I dread. Is there a way to make myself put this need, to share my feelings on the back burner while he's healing his shame? Am I doing it right?