I recently watched a Q&A video in the Recovery Library asking why boundary setting is seemingly the responsibility of the betrayed. Wayne made some good points regarding speaking up for what we need because our spouses are not mind readers. I have personally and consistently exercised expressing my thoughts, needs and fears. In the spirit of knowing my husband isn't a mind reader. However, I feel this is just another crutch he uses to not be accountable for himself. Rather, he just goes about his business as usual and waits for me to come to him. Even if he realizes I may have been hurt or triggered by something. He still waits. Even with clear and concise conversations about potential situations, where boundaries and plans are 100% agreed upon. When the situation develops, my husband reverts to his false self. Meaning, he acts in a way he protects his needs and abandons me. For me, speaking up has not helped. It has only caused more hurt and trauma. I am becoming so discouraged. D-day was December of 2017 but the betraying behavior has been a 27 year war. Suggestions, words of wisdom or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.