Q&A How Do I Deal with His Inability to Talk about Our Marriage?

My husband sat with me through the pain of multiple affairs. He was willing to answer questions. Despite what I would consider significant deficits in our 25+ year marriage, he acknowledges that it was his choice to have these affairs; he owns his decision to act out this way and does not blame me for his choices. He has been very good at supporting me through the pain I have been feeling about the affairs, thanks to him doing almost everything "right". He has been so helpful that even though it is only 8 1/2 months after the first D-day, I am finding some peace with the thoughts of the affairs, and now my mind is turning more to the original deficits of the marriage. I do firmly believe that the discovery of the affairs acted as a catalyst to a different, new, better relationship between us. We are still working to figure out some things, but the basics - communication, recognizing feelings, empathy - all those things I felt weren't very strong before are now probably the best they have ever been. When I raise any of his contributions to the original marriage deficits, I find he can't sit with me and the pain those deficits caused me the same way he could sit with me and the pain related to the affairs. I know he really regrets not seeing some of my hurts from the past and only seeing his, and feels guilt and shame about it, and I am guessing that is why he is struggling. That said, one would have thought he would feel the same way about the pain the affairs caused. I am also guessing he really regrets so many lost years as we are in our late 50s/early 60s. I always regretted them. Maybe he's just catching up now that he sees them fully/differently....Do you have any thoughts because I am really struggling to figure out how to deal with this completely different reaction.