I read Rick's article on "pimping tenderness" and re-worded it so it would be mild enough for my husband to read it without getting offended, but he still reacted poorly and said that these grooming behaviors are who he is - just because I have a problem with these ways of being kind (and thus opening the door for an emotional affair) isn't reason for him to stop acting in these ways, in his opinion. I want to insist that he is not allowed to seek out affirmation this way, but what do I use as a consequence to enforce this boundary, besides leaving (which I don't want to do)? I feel like I have so little to offer in our relationship that I have no bargaining tools! I'm a stay-at-home mom, and it feels like lately all I've been doing is working on figuring me out - that and putting together the budget (which gives me joy and a sense of control) and paying the bills. I don't even cook anymore because he thought he could do a better job with nutrition content so he took that over. The kids do all the laundry. Because I kept getting all these triggers from working through all this material, we're not having sex any more so I can't take that away, either. What am I supposed to bargain with if he chooses to ignore the laws of attraction, disregarding my fears and safety?