I always believed my spouse would never cheat. Our 33 years of marriage has been happy. There has been distance the last few years and lots of financial insecurity with the loss of my husband's job. I had a feeling he was cheating last August, he had all the classic signs, but I chose to ignore my intuition and look away. I fell into work with more effort than ever to help my family. On January 6th, 2021, I found his phone and I read 3 months worth of text messages. I was devastated to find that not only was he having an affair but he had been having an affair on and off for 25 years with this woman. She was 20 and he was 33 in 1997. When it began our life and our marriage was great, my oldest daughter was 5 years old. They began the affair again in December 2019! Her divorce was final on 12/31/2020 so now I guess she feels the time is right for them to be together forever and so does he. They have been planning for him to leave but nothing has happened yet. I have not told my husband I am aware of the affair because I am in shock at the length and depth of it and of my stupidity for believing I was married to someone I am not. I entered Harboring Hope for help but so far no one has talked about what happens when the spouse knows but has not confronted the unfaithful partner over a long period of months out of fear, sadness, and shock. Help me, please. How do I blow my whole life up, hurt my children, and have to watch 33 years just mean nothing if I confront my husband and tell him I know? Or do I wait for him to ask me for a divorce? I am not sure how I can keep the secret as it is so painful on the nights he is with her and I know it but he does not know I know. When he comes home and acts like nothing is wrong and he lies to my face about being at work? When is the right time for confrontation and how do I tell him I know?