Question

About a month ago I was in my husband’s apartment where he works in another state; and by a miracle of God, while he was at work a package arrived. It was a letter from the AP. I opened it and started reading it. This woman was using so much control and manipulation in regards to their relationship trying to convince him that they should get together and talk again to revisit the memories and time they cultivated. She sent the letter full of pictures of the time of their affair. My husband has told her that they are finished and that he is trying to save his family; however, she stated in the letter that he asked for a pause. Because closing the relationship didn't happen, she was obviously left with hope. The letter had a flash drive that we thought we threw away with the letter, but a month later I found the flash drive sticking out from the sofa in his apartment where I showed him the letter and it probably fell, and I put it in my computer. It had every single picture they took during their affair, favorite music, videos, letters and notes that he had written to her, and her last letter that she sent via mail. After the letter, I got very upset and flooded like never before. I was so hurt to see the pictures where he looked so happy, while my kids and I were dying of hurt and pain because he left us to go after this woman. My husband sent her a final email in front of me....saying it was not a pause, but ending this forever; please do not contact me anymore. He says he loves me and is very sorry this happened, but thinks that this letter didn't have any information that he has not shared with me. He is doing everything to gain me back - counselling, EMS Weekend, EMS aftercare groups. He has made all the time for us to be together and work on our marriage. He wants to put me first before his job and kids. It has been a roller coaster ride, but we always end up not quitting and wanting to regain perspective and not focusing on the past and the hurt and pain. I already forgave him, but it still hurts when I think of his affair. It has been only 3 months since he left her for good. Is it normal for me to still be hurting by just thinking of what he did with this woman? Is it normal that sometimes he just doesn't want to relive any of this because he thinks I should just put it behind me? Should I still ask him questions that are not clear in my mind even though he gets anxious and sad that I go back to the same thing? He believes in the 5-1 ratio positive against negative. Please help me with this because I feel that I sometimes get overwhelmed and freeze and want to flee. Thank you for answering my very long questions.