I am the wayward spouse and my wife is having trouble understanding why I refused to have sex with her during the affair and treating her poorly. For me, it was because I felt a great deal of shame about the whole thing and I didn't feel worthy of being intimate in our relationship because it increased my shame a great deal. She does not understand the concept of what shame feels like and what it can cause people to do or not do. Do you have a better way of explaining this so that she and others might understand better?