I have been divorced about 2 years now. I asked her to move out and filed for divorce five months after D-Day. After she refused to end the relationship, blamed me for the situation, and declined my requests attending a marriage seminar for couples in crisis. My wife had her affair partner move in within 6 months and we’ve been sharing custody of our older teens. I have really struggled to accept the role of the affair partner as a pseudo stepfather to my sons. Losing my wife is one thing but losing access to my sons with him gaining just as much time as I disgusts me. I pay her alimony which indirectly benefits him. I’m repulsed by the whole arrangement. I catch myself diving into my work to escape this reality. Despite my disdain, I try to set my sons free. When they depart me, I always say I hope they have a great time. I speak of the AP by name and no longer pretend he does not exist. I have of course moved on, I am definitely on my own feet, and I am dating a wonderful woman — I’m quite happy. But my stomach turns when I think about him. I made a conscientious effort this fall to meet him at a joint social event. It was intentionally fleeting but I wanted to break the ice, and it was done. Perhaps it was my attempt to pursue forgiving him—something I wanted for the benefit of my boys— but I realize I am deeply resentful and clearly I’m not ready to forgive him yet. Perhaps I’ll feel better when alimony ends in two more years. Meanwhile I feel I have forgiven my ex wife, although we have a tenuous relationship in divorce. Do you think I am wise to pursue forgiveness? It feels like I should, because I’ve read it's the healthy thing to do. But it doesn’t feel right at all. I am still outraged and feel stuck. I am grateful for your thoughts.