Rick, I hope you can help us. It's been 9 months since my husband confessed to an affair that happened 13 yrs ago. Initially he claimed a different version of events when he disclosed but months later said the truth is in essence, rape. Being a man, that was difficult for him to confess and that is why he claimed he changed the facts and hid his story. I see it instead as an affair. It was a onetime sexual event with a co-worker over 6-8 weeks of an emotional affair. My husband was caught up in the compliments the AP was giving him and according to him, when she confronted him with the sex, his body chose the "freeze" response. He said no but she forced herself upon him. But I believe because of his full participation in the sex, including bringing himself to sexual fulfillment, and contacting her after, shows he wanted the encounter. This keeps us from moving forward in that I am hurt from his full deception, and he thinks his responsibility is more for the emotional side of the affair, but that the sexual portion was tragic to him. I'm not sure if he is covering up, confused, or telling the truth. Counseling on this subject has only confused us more! We are beginning EMSO this week but feel like our "starting point" is so different that we need clarity. Does this really matter in how we handle the affair recovery? Can you help? THANKS