Hi Rick, I am the unfaithful and am having trouble stopping myself from blaming my mate at first instance. While I do reflect on the matter and bring the issue back to myself, my first thought is often blaming my mate. Together with a blaming thought is sometimes a gush of inner angst. For example, I had created a thought association with a yellow cup at home with a girl I found attractive at work, whereby I am reminded of that person whenever I see the yellow cup. My mate happened to leave the cup on the table and my first thought was to blame my mate for reminding me of the person. Sometimes worse are thoughts which attack my mate and her family members like wishing her dad to die. I am confused as my therapist says that I take on too much in the relationship, and as such I feel suffocated, unsettled and small within the relationship with my mate. How do I learn to be more matured by taking ownership of my issues and stopping the blame and victim thinking, at the same time grow into a stronger person that is able to take care of myself and be fair?