Q&A How Do I Avoid Flooding during Hard Conversations?

Submitted by Rick_Reynolds Wed, 07/10/2019 - 09:34

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Question: 

How do I avoid flooding my husband when I have so many questions and he wants to end the conversation before I feel any resolution? He says we can talk about it later but then he never comes back to me to talk. I feel like he's just hoping I'll forget so we don't have to talk about it then I start to feel resentment building again and there's no safety for me. What do I do?

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In a different reality or

Submitted by [name hidden] on

In a different reality or much later on in recovery the burden of remaining calm is more realistic for the betrayed to accomplish. Part of the UH's goal/responsibility is the willingness to lean into the betrayed's pain. What part of putting the burden of responsibility on the betrayed to stifle his/her feelings is realistic?

Disbelief

Submitted by [name hidden] on

It also helps if you try to BELIEVE their answers. My B H would always “scoff” and discredit everything I said. Then he would try and say that the answer “wasn’t good enough “ because HE wouldn’t cheat for that. I finally had to tell him that I wasn’t trying to convince HUM to cheat. Those were the ACTUAL STUPID reasons that I DID cheat!!

Disbelief

Submitted by [name hidden] on

It also helps if you try to BELIEVE their answers. My B H would always “scoff” and discredit everything I said. Then he would try and say that the answer “wasn’t good enough “ because HE wouldn’t cheat for that. I finally had to tell him that I wasn’t trying to convince HIM to cheat. Those were the ACTUAL STUPID reasons that I DID cheat!!

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas