I was just starting to get over the initial disappointment and disgust that he even had an affair at all, when I found a video of his AP on social media. This video gave me a lot of insight into who she is - insight I did not have before. In this video, she bragged about being “psycho” and was mean to her dog. I’ve never been one to body shame, but in the video she also brags about taking illegal anabolic steroids-and she has the build and voice one would expect with that. I never dreamed he would be turned on by someone so masculine. There are other things as well. It seems from their conversations that she has likely done this before with other attached men. I know it didn’t take much for him to get her into bed. She often had fun by making fun of other people, etc., etc. Just a low-class individual, all-around. I am so disgusted by who he chose. He claims it was all about the attention and ego boost - but how is getting attention from someone like that more of an ego boost than getting it from your wife at home? I was at home practically begging for his attention for months before this all came out. Why was he willing to risk our relationship and his relationship with our child over someone like THAT? What does it say about him? What does it say about me? I still love him. I’m still attracted to him. But sometimes the disgust at his choices takes over. I know that’s a very detrimental feeling to have towards him; how do I get rid of it?