I can't stop flooding about every little trigger. I am the betrayed. It's been over 8 months since the last discovery. There was cheating during dating before we had children and porn use until he got saved last year. I have an ACE score of 6. I was molested, abandoned and neglected, father was a drug addict and unfaithful and left when I was 1. I read part of the Body Keeps the Score but didn't finish it and I want to do EMDR but it is not available in my area. I've been suicidal, anxiety attacks, depressed and angry. I have insomnia, I am overweight, I can't work, I can hardly take care of my kids and the house. I am addicted to my codependency. I am in a 13 week Christian codependency recovery program but I am behind. I want self control. I want to repent. I feel horrible, dirty, shameful, like a failure. I need to read the gospel but I can't when I am anxious and depressed or angry daily.