Q&A How Do I Shift the Focus off My Mistakes and onto Healing?

It’s been just over 2 years since D-Day of my husband’s affair. For weeks leading up to discovery I was made to feel crazy and ashamed for asking if something’s wrong or if he was having an affair. When I caught him in a lie he out of the blue asked me for a divorce. His divorce request lead me to search his phone and I discovered texts declaring his love to a coworker. Flooding, I confronted him with the evidence and he repeatedly denied an affair. Our children heard our heated discussion, entered the room and asked what was wrong? I couldn’t process what was happening quick enough and I offered my husband multiple opportunities to tell our kids EXACTLY what was “wrong”. He couldn’t own it so sadly I did for him. I devastated my kids with the truth. Now when discussing D-Day he shamefully reminds me how I handled the discovery of his affair wrong. He doesn’t recognize his inabilities to man-up and tell the truth is what lead me down the flooding path of no return. I know he wanted me to protect his integrity in front of the kids that night but I just couldn’t and why should I? He didn’t care to protect his integrity, our kids, our marriage or our family when having his affair. Why am I the repeated focus of D-Day and how can I shift it off me and on to what will help me heal from this traumatic night?