Q&A How Do We Deal With Deflection and Blame?

My husband has put much effort into the lessons and letters, which seem genuine as far as empathy and are almost exactly what I need to hear. We have a long history of non- and faulty communication for which I take much of the responsibility, beginning years before the brief infidelity. Now when I even bring up a minor thing such as "please close the refrigerator door" or "would you remember to close the windows", I get a backlash of blame for all the years I was an unpleasant person (for which I have done much individual counseling), as well as contempt and deflection. I suspect this is all coming from a place of shame, but that is his to deal with, and meantime, I don't know how much more of this wounding I can take.