Q&A Is it my Fear or my Gut Causing me to Not Believe Him?

NYE was our 1 year ddayversary. My husband has been remorseful and seems to be recommitted. He has not been willing to do any of the programs offered - even boot camp - which he initially said he would do. Because of his actions, I think this has more to do with his "machismo" and his childhood history - which I feel plays a role in all of this. He has given his version of full disclosure which was limited in details - some of which I'm grateful not to have - but still feel a need to know more. Despite his efforts and repeated affirmations - he has never had a "bad' word to say about his AP which was a very emotional affair - even talk of "being together" for 2 1/2 years on and off. I feel like there are still feelings though he denies it and it causes a barrier on my behalf. Am I being petty? He has shown his commitment to me in most every way I think he's capable of; yet still I question if I was just the better option and wonder who he would choose were circumstances different. Is it me just psyching myself out - out of fear of believing his love and commitment to me or is it my gut telling me there's more to it? So confused right now . . . And stuck!