My husband was both physically and sexually abused as a child. He grew up thinking his needs and wants didn't matter and that he needed to please people or else he would be hurt. His AP was a woman he worked with during the affair that has aggressively pursued him for 20 years. The affair during our marriage was 4 years long, but he had been physical a few times with her many years before. He claims there was no limerence; that he never thought of her romantically and that she smelled and wasn't attractive to him, and she annoyed him at times. He says they were only physical a handful of times over the four years, mostly when they had been drinking at a bar after work and she pursued him physically, and he felt I was upset with him at the time. He said it always made him feel guilty and dirty, and he succumbed to her pressures so that she would continue giving him business advice. And yet he sent her pictures of his appendage and sexted with her from time to time. This doesn't seem like the typical affair, and I am having a hard time determining if it is indeed an uncommon manifestation resultant of his childhood abuse, or if he is just trying to downplay it to spare my feelings, or play victim so he can be in denial. Thoughts?