14 months ago my husband disclosed his 8 year affair. 7 of those years he lived on the east coast because that's the only place he could get a job when the economy took a downturn. He played house with his mistress during most of the affair. I stayed home and manned the fort. We've gone through EMSO which helped tremendously and kept us from divorcing or separating. Now we're transitioned into Married for Life. With the last three lessons of EMSO I found myself getting angry having to rehash things again. I've had some major breakthroughs and reconnected with God and have begun to experience joy in my life. However, we watched the first week lesson for Married for Life and we just went backward again with discovering more layers of unforgiveness within me and having to swallow the 3 facts about marriage; you can never get as much out of marriage as you put into it, all people are scum, and God created marriage to make us miserable. Another problem I've had is trying to untangle my husband's thinking: he felt he was committed to me during this long affair because he didn't throw me out on the street. He paid the bills and he stayed married to me. How do I wrap my mind around that? Isn't that insanity? He said that because I hadn't met his wants and his needs, he justified what he did although he knew it was wrong and felt guilty much of the time. He just didn't know how to get out of the pit he'd dug. He's been exemplary in his behavior toward me this whole 14 months. I don't flood violently anymore. It just seems every time we make headway, Satan rushes in and steals our progress. Honesty is brutal. Intimacy, in my opinion, is scary, undesirable and almost seems verging on idolatry.