After the initial revelations of my wife's affair, she ended the relationship and recommitted to our marriage in many ways. But a year and half into our “recovery,” I learned she had continued to be totally dishonest about the nature and specifics of the affair. She had lied through EMSO, a vow ceremony, and so many seemingly sincere conversations of: “I promise you, I have told you everything.” The prior work of trying to reconnect feels false and wasted. I know many people continue to deceive after discovery, but it seems worrisome that she could take it so far, and through so many serious moments together. Any honesty I have gotten has come from catching her or threatening consequences. It is disorienting that I didn’t suspect the affair or all the lying afterwards, so I can rely neither on her own values about truth or on my own intuition. How do I get enough trust at this point to even start rebuilding? And is that even wise to do, given this level of deceit? If it is just a matter of time, I can do that, though it feels right now like nothing she says sinks in, as I have lost the conviction that anything she says is true. I am skeptical of the benefits of lie detector tests. Can you help me see her actions in any way that will help us move forward in our relationship?