Rick,
I would love some ideas for the unfaithful spouse who "wants to want to". I have read your article on this subject, but I'm still confused. If my husband knows what is required for him to have the marriage we both want, isn't his unwillingness a conscious choice? He has read the books and is seeing a therapist, but I am seeing very little effort from him. He wishes he could "flip a switch" and have the feelings and desires return. At this point in recovery, aren't we obligated to do the work and the feelings will follow? I am exhausted from carrying the load of recovery and waiting for him to see me and for him to find this magic motivation to love me.