I’m the betrayed. DDay 8 weeks ago - husband confessed 2+ year affair with coworker/employee. He cut off physical contact, but still has limited contact he claims cannot cut off over fear of her reaction. They text each other a couple times a week that they miss each other etc. He has not told her he is leaving the marriage but that he is trying to resolve things at home. He is being purposefully vague.

We are attending EMSO. He is reluctant to do recovery work and is still in love with her. He hoped after telling me about the affair I would kick him out and divorce him. He stays now because he is afraid if he leaves I will retaliate by getting them fired and/or contact her with evidence he never was going to leave the marriage. I have - in an argument - threatened both. I don't think I could ever really hurt his career but I have no problem hurting her.

I always felt if I caught them together again or if things became too contentious at home I would ask him to leave. But then I would be making his decision for him. He doesn't seem to know what to do so I think he's waiting for me or his AP to solve his ambivalence. How should I move forward? Do I ignore any relapses and such while we do EMSO and hope that may help him make a decision?