This is a great perspective and whole heartedly agree. But sometimes I think to choose loving someone during rough times means doing self sacrificing things to please them as long as it doesn't cross boundaries or become codependent as you mentioned. For example- I may choose to go to watch a football game which isn't something I enjoy, but is something he enjoys because I know it helps him feel wanted. One extra thought is that maybe in healthy relationships it is the process of enjoying and pleasing from both sides that makes it work verses one sided. I know in my situation I chose to enjoy him as he was but he chose to not enjoy me. I didn't meet some unrealistic criteria and do the things that catered to that criteria. It was an impossible expectation I could never have kept up doing. To be loved and wanted for who you are, who God created you to be seems to be the best kind of love-not a performance love.