I am the hurt spouse, and although I think we are both hurting, I think you get that...I was not the unfaithful spouse. I see parts of us in the last two Q&A's: • Is it Possible that my Mate has no Feelings for the AP Anymore? *AND* • How can I Create Safety When my Betrayed Mate won't Talk About it? My spouse says she has no feelings for her AP. The problem is she says she never had any feelings for him, so she certainly doesn't have any now. And also, she doesn't want to talk about it. Ever. Our worse days of the week are Sunday night and Monday after our Beyond EMS group phone call, or after a session with our counselor. As long as I wake up with a forced smile on my face, play nice, tell her to have a good day, have sex when she wants to, share a few tidbits of my normally hum drum day, everything is fine. (well fine for her, I am sick.) My sleep patterns are completely a wreck, I barely eat, and when I do finally do to eat, it's not the right kind of food. So I guess there is a question somewhere in my jumbled up head.... How do I make her feel safe enough to talk so we can work through this? She doesn't want to talk because she thinks I'm out to get her and I'm looking for holes in her story. I guess I am, but I don't understand why there would be holes if she has been, and continues to tell the truth. But in efforts to make her feel safe, I say nothing, which comes across to her as I don't believe her. (Funny that she reads my mind, and knows what I am thinking, but for her 15 year affair, she didn't know she was doing anything wrong???) She never wants to talk about it, she only "accepts" responsibility when she is mad and defensive about all the things that she didn't do. So, I don't ask questions. I just wake up with a forced smile on my face, play nice, tell her to have a good day, have sex when she wants to, share a few tidbits of my normally hum drum day, everything is fine (at least fine for her) , and we continue in our new dysfunctional normal. Am I to continue to carry this burden alone?