"With the help of God and the wisdom of Rick's counsel we were given a new life, a new marriage, and a release from the bonds of my addiction - one day at a time. If there is anything I hope to convey it is this - you, your spouse, and your marriage can not only survive sexual addiction but each of you and your marriage can grow and become far better than anything you, of yourself, can imagine. "

B.R.
Austin, Texas

 

The Founder's Laptop
by Rick Reynolds

 

Heart of Thanksgiving

I’ve been having a difficult time lately. Nothing major, it’s just that life has seemed really hard and feels overwhelming. Now, I know what I’m experiencing is nothing compared to the trauma many of you are going through, but it does remind me how circumstances can color our view of life if we don’t maintain the right heart attitudes.

If I’m having a bad mental health day, I tend to view life from the perspectives of blessings or curses. I always feel like the victim. I feel all but powerless over life’s circumstances as I am rocked to and fro by events over which I have little or no control. Once I’m in this mindset, my moods are dictated by events beyond my control and I can only respond as life happens.

Don Juan in Carlos Castandea’s Tales of Power says: “The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is that the warrior sees everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man sees everything as either a blessing or a curse.” I find that statement to be true of my life. On my bad days life is seen as either blessings or curses, but on my good days it’s as if God grants me the strength and courage to rise as a warrior to face the challenges before me. In reality, I have the ability to choose how I look at circumstances and challenge the lies that seem to so easily permeate my thinking and replace them with the truth.

Even more, on bad mental health days I tend to look at life through the lens of what I’ve got to do rather than having an attitude of gratitude and looking at life from the perspective of thanksgiving.

The other day, my friend Christie (when addressing this topic) wrote…

“I am going through a season (hopefully not just a season) of being committed to being more thankful. When I am not being thankful, it shows up in my prayer life. I begin hearing myself asking God to change things or people. I feel a lot of disappointment in things and people. I sound like a spoiled brat.”

Another way it shows up is when I hear myself saying to others, "I have to do this or I have to do that." And I pray to God, "please help me with this thing I have to do." I am trying to learn that I get to do those things, or I am starting to take a look at those things I have to do and seeing why I feel I have to do them. It is usually that I am trying to look good and impress man. If it is something that I choose to do, then it is a get to.

I don't like to exercise, but I don't like the results if I don't. So I get to exercise. Besides, there are always things I can see around me that will help. For instance, someone who really doesn't get to exercise because they are physically unable.

I have to walk my dog, but I don't have to. No one else in my family gets to walk the dog. But I love her and know that she needs it. Besides, one of my friends had to put her dog down last month. So I get to.

Right now I am thinking, "Oh, I have to hurry and get in the shower." Well, I don't have to. But I like to be clean and not smell (and unfortunately, I care if others think I smell). And besides, there are people in this world who have no clean, running water. So I get to take a shower now.

I’m either going to look at life through the lens that “God is shafting me” or I will look at him as my helper (Psalm 118: 5-7), I will either look at life from the perspective that’s it all about me and the injustice of my circumstances, or I’ll look through the lens of grace and mercy where I realize how blessed I am not to receive what I really deserve.

Even in difficult times, I strongly encourage you to keep a heart of thanksgiving and look at life from the perspective of what we get to do rather than what we have to do. And when someone asks how you’re doing, just tell them “better than I deserve.”

June 2008

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Rick, just wanted you to

Rick, just wanted you to know how much God used your article on Thanksgiving to speak to me and encourage me right at this very minute when I need it so badly. Thank you!! I have enjoyed all of your articles, but particularly the "Not in Kansas anymore" and "How to Recover from infidelity," and this one. Thanks, Rick. May God continue to bless you and your newsletters. Sue.

Thank you

This is a refreshing perspective. Thank you. It's easy to get caught up in the negativity and pain from the affair situation.--Karen

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