Survivors' Blog

The Best Time to Work on Your Marriage is When...?

Submitted by Samuel 8 years ago

Samuel answers a pivotal question today: When is the best time to work on your marriage?

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Comments

Thanks

Submitted by Perry on

My wife and I listen to all your blogs and they are all so helpful, so just wanted to shout out a big thanks. This one reminded me of something I read in the book called "for men only" which shared that our wives are not always looking for us to come up with a solution to the thing they are sharing but want to be heard about what they are thinking or feeling. Oh, I wish I had remembered this just a couple days ago.

thank you Perry...

Submitted by Samuel on
i still make the same mistake my friend. sometimes I even say..... "ok, am i supposed to do something or just hear you out right now...cause i can work to fix this or just shut up?????" often times she will say "nooooooo, just listen: let me vent." thanks for the compliment my friend. so glad they help.

What is a simple or kind/fun way to say-

Submitted by godismyanchor on

'No action required, just hear me'? Would 'put on your pink headphones ' work?
Also, my husband, in PART due to our past history, has it in his head that I expect an immediate response to things; even a simple text. He acts as if I expect him to drop everything, at that moment & tend to my msg. I've told him numerous times that's not the case, that it even often makes me feel like an overbearing b*#(h when he does. How can he stop 'hearing me' that way in his head when we're not actually talking?

Samuel, should the "grenade"

Submitted by Karen58 on

Samuel, should the "grenade" still be there 4 years later? I'm still depressed and incredibly sad. There have been some good days lately, but because of the 4 year trickle truth torture and his explosive verbally abusive defensiveness, I have stopped discussing or asking questions. He thinks we are SO much better now and nothing could be farther from the truth. I hurt all the time. I just hide it. So will this grenade always be there within me?

hi karen....grenade thoughts

Submitted by Samuel on
fact is karen, the grenade will be there a while due to the drip feeding he's done and the continual delivery of new information. it's probably going to be there a while for you seeing as how he's traumatized you. i'm not sure how long as you'll want to consult a professional and get their read on it, but I'd say a while. i would look into care for ptsd and emdr to continue going as deep as you can for the trauma you've had to reckon with and deal with . sure hope that helps.