it's encouraging to read the words of someone else who has gone through the same.  It feels like you're alone in the fight.  I feel like I've lost friends, I've lost my connection with family - and I'm in it alone.  I relate it to losing my mom at 18 - for the first few months, you have so much support, friends, family - checking in to see how you are - and then they vanish, and you're still scared, and you still need help, and support - but you're ALONE.  People forget and they move on with their lives -- you're no longer the gossip, the drama, but you still have to deal with the triggers as you mention.  Places, people - it can be a song on a radio, a line in a movie, -- I find the "what-ifs" are far worse -- I wonder if they went there, I wonder what they were doing a year ago at this time, when I didn't realize it was even going on.  I'm fighting myself to stop accusing my husband even to this day, I'm suspicious of everything - and it makes him angry, and frustrated.  I'm tired of the triggers.....tired tired tired.

Relief is felt in knowing that I am not alone or crazy in this caos.  It seems so easy for hard to live sometimes with the triggers, movies, what ifs, and constant negative emotions.  11 months seems like a long time and much progress has been made; good to know that I will continue to get stronger and more stable with honesty and support from my spouse.

For me it was the choice to move forward, to be happy, and not let her affair destroy me.  I faced the same triggers and as Erik stated, time and healing does happen.  I remember the day I realized that the affair, and the pain it caused, no longer controlled my life.  I am a year out and know I have a road still ahead of me, but it is a path I choose to walk and every step is a step forward.  Unfortunately our 30 year marriage did not survive the affair and I will mourn that loss, and carry its pain, for a long time.

My message is choice, allow the affair to be a wakeup call and choose to improve yourself and move forward.  It is not easy but the rewards are worth it.  I am happier than I have been in a long time and more in touch with my emotions.  It maybe cliche but one day at a time :-)

I can totally relate to this story. It is wierd to me to find a man expressing exactly what i am feeling. We are 5 1/2 months into recovery. We have completed our EMS online course and now our group is continuting with Marriage for Life.  It is good to know that i will feel better and the triggers will lesson over time. sometimes i feel awlful bringing stuff up to my husband over and over again. But he is very understading and says whatever i need to help my healing process he is willing to do.

We feel very lucky to have found AR. I know we wouldn't be where we are today had we not found this program. The blogs really help because you realize you are not alone and time does help heal.

Thanks for your story.

It is a tremendous help to read what other people are going thru and knowing I am not alone.  Its been almost 2 years now since finding out about  the affair and I still have triggers, however keeping a positive outlook and choosing to focus on how good things are now between my husband and myself make the triggers easier to deal with.  We still talk openly when things bother me.  Knowing other people make it through infidelity keeps me going. It does get better. Thank you

It's been two and a half years since the reveal of my husband's affair.  I want to tell you all that it gets easier.  We are still together.  Some choose to stay together, others don't.  We have been to counseling nearly every week for two and a half years, and we are stronger than ever.  I still have triggers, but I can handle them.  That's not to say that some days they don't bring me to tears.  There's a part of me that will hurt forever.  But I can honestly say, that when I first found out, I never thought I would get past it, or that I would go a day without the thought of him with another woman consuming me.  Now it is rare that I think about it unless there is a trigger that comes up unexpectedly.  Which is actually how I found this page.  I had a trigger this evening.  But I'm handling it well.  Better than I would have two years ago.  And those of you that are still with your spouse/sig other that cheated...they need to understand that they created your emotional ourbursts, or your insecurities and if they truly want your relationship to work, they will deal with it.  You are not alone, and what you feel is totally normal. 

Im in a somewhat similar situation to all above. I found out about my wifes affair almost five years later with 2 of our children. It been over 10 years now and i still have triggers and it consumes me at times. The problem i think im having is that my wife NEVER wants to me about it. Ive spent the last 10 years wondering who, why, what, where, etc. i think id help if she were to just talk to me about and help me make sense of everything. My question is...is it my right to know details and to ask questions? Should she be willing to answer my questions? she ususally get upset when i try to bring it up and it usually turns into a big argument. the fact that shes not open and willing to talk about it intensifies my suspicions. It makes me feel as if theres more that shes keeping from me.

any suggestions or comment would be very much appreciated.

It has been years since my husbands affair happened. I found out the truth 5 years ago. Last week I was triggered and I am struggling to find footing in what is truth and lies, since being triggered I have struggled with thoughts of scenerios that cause feelings of panick and untrust. They're hard not to believe because it has happened. I am questioning my husbands love for me and I don't like the place I am in or how I feel, I'm not quite sure how stop the thoughts.