I am 17 months out, and still really struggling with not feeling special. My husband's affair was mostly superficial but fully sexual: he desired his affair partner, shared his body, and had secrets. We have both done a lot of work and he is very empathetic and compassionate, taking full responsibility and doing whatever I need to help me heal. He tells me daily he thinks I am beautiful and sexy but I know he felt that way about her too. I see God’s work in us both, our emotional intimacy is the closest it has ever been for which I am grateful. But I still feel ugly and undesirable. He brought me to many social occasions with her and her family, and I saw her attractiveness first hand. When we got married I felt confident he would never look at anyone else. I thought we were a team - that I was unique, special. Now I know I am neither of those. Even in our intimate moments I consider that he wanted to do all of this with his affair partner, and though I am the one he is intimate with now, how does that make me special? Will I ever feel special again? Does this come back? Was I foolish to believe I was the only one who could turn him on? Am I just shallow or unrealistic? Did I just buy into a fairy tale? I can’t imagine living the rest of my life feeling ugly and second rate to my own husband.