Walking through pain

I would also like to know how to walk through the pain. It has been 2 years and I do not feel like he has took responsibility for his actions or the pain he has caused. I have terrible rage and alot of it has been pent up over our 36 years together. I just cant seem to get past it. All answers started with I dont know, I dont remember, and now it's that was 2 years ago how can I remember that far back. I am just so angry and my very soul seems to be broken. How could I ever have thought that he loved me?