It's been about 9 months since I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with his boss at work. I found emails of the two of them discussing marriage and how particular songs made them feel. I was devastated. I went through a whole plethora of emotions in a very short amount of time and even though he hurt me, I couldn't imagine my life without him. I begged and pleaded with him to give us a chance to work on whatever it was that made him stray. It wasn't until I confronted him with the cold reality of what it meant if we divorced (by bringing him dissolution papers) that he even attempted to give us a shot at repairing our marriage. We went to counseling and to a dispute resolution course and really grew together during that time. I love this man dearly and even if he didn't deserve a second chance, I know I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn't fought for us.
But, I'm not sure when the day of forgiveness will arrive for me. I want to forgive him. I want to let it all go, but I keep being reminded of the things he did that really hurt me most. His affair began in late January, but by this time last year he was already showing signs (that I didn't recognize then) that there was something wrong. This time last year I was incredibly ill with the flu and he didn't seem to care.
I don't want to keep thinking about these things, but I know that because of the time of year, I am going to be reminded of all the stuff that really hurt me. I so want to forgive him and get past these hurt feelings. I don't want to keep on discussing this or feeling upset over it. What's done is done and we really have a better relationship because of it--but how do I stop feeling hurt by it?
I too share your questions and concerns
It's been about 9 months since I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with his boss at work. I found emails of the two of them discussing marriage and how particular songs made them feel. I was devastated. I went through a whole plethora of emotions in a very short amount of time and even though he hurt me, I couldn't imagine my life without him. I begged and pleaded with him to give us a chance to work on whatever it was that made him stray. It wasn't until I confronted him with the cold reality of what it meant if we divorced (by bringing him dissolution papers) that he even attempted to give us a shot at repairing our marriage. We went to counseling and to a dispute resolution course and really grew together during that time. I love this man dearly and even if he didn't deserve a second chance, I know I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn't fought for us.
But, I'm not sure when the day of forgiveness will arrive for me. I want to forgive him. I want to let it all go, but I keep being reminded of the things he did that really hurt me most. His affair began in late January, but by this time last year he was already showing signs (that I didn't recognize then) that there was something wrong. This time last year I was incredibly ill with the flu and he didn't seem to care.
I don't want to keep thinking about these things, but I know that because of the time of year, I am going to be reminded of all the stuff that really hurt me. I so want to forgive him and get past these hurt feelings. I don't want to keep on discussing this or feeling upset over it. What's done is done and we really have a better relationship because of it--but how do I stop feeling hurt by it?