This article gives the best explanation to what I am feeling right now. My biggest problem is I can't forgive my wife. There was something we discussed before the affair. We told each other this promise, if we are not happy with each other, then we should break the marriage. Did we have problems in our relationship? Yes we did. The signs were there of course. I am not going to paint this like we had a good marriage. We didn't. Like Campbell, it happened with somebody from her job. The other guy was also married also. At the time, she worked late night shifts. I remember one night we were laying in our bed watching TV. Then, a small argument popped up about an affair that happened on the show. Her and I started to have a small argument about it, just like any couple would. She then goes and tells me that, a guy at work kissed her. I am looking at her, silently. I didn't know what to say at that time. She replies with "What? You don't believe me?" It wasn't that I didn't believe her, it was more as to "why did you let him" type of feeling. We went back to watching the show again. Needless to say, that small seed of doubt was now planted in my head. Honestly, I didn't mind it that much. Jealousy has never been in my vocabulary. We talked about it one day. We sat down and talked about what was wrong between us and how to fix it. We were good after that. One Saturday night, we went on a movie date. We sat down by an ice cream parlor at the mall, while waiting for the movie to start. She brought up the kiss from the guy at her work and she said, "It was just a kiss." At that point in moment I said "don't worry about it and let's move on." Things were good for a while. She then started to act strangely, and we went back again to her and I fighting. Getting upset about things that weren't done around the house. Which they were. One day, her mother and I were sitting at the dining table. She wanted to talk to us about how things were not getting done. She threw a fit about how things were not getting done. At that point, I said I quit. That night, I told her I'm leaving. I started looking for apartments around the area and getting information on the web. She saw me on my laptop and saw what I was doing. We did not talk for days on. One night in the summer, she wanted to talk me. We put our kids to bed first. We went into the living room to go talk. We started talking and right there and then, she dropped the bombshell on me. She told me she had cheated on me with the same guy, whom apparently gave her "that kiss." My mind went numb. I lost all sense of emotion. I didn't know what to say. My mind was not racing at all. I was just trying to process this in my head. When she said, "talk to me," I couldn't. I was numbed completely. I told her, "I need to go for a walk." I invited her, she refused. So I said, "well I do. I'll be back. On that walk, I tried to make sense of things. I couldn't. I tried to get angry about it, I couldn't do that either. The feeling wasn't there. After I finished my walk and came back home and sat down. She was there, crying of course. I thought, "what are you crying for?" After composing myself, she asks, "what do we do now?" By all means, right there and then I wanted a divorce. But I reconsider everything we had. I decided to stay in the marriage. We decided to go to marriage counseling. We started doing it, but I wasn't there mentally. Honestly, I really wasn't putting effort. I gave up. One session, it just came out of me. The elephant in the room, the affair. After that session, I left upset from it. We went to the supermarket to get a few things. She tried to hold my hand but I abruptly pulled it away, with a grin look on my face. When we got home, we were in the parking lot. She wanted to talk. I was raging inside. She asked what was wrong. Right there and then, I blew up. I screamed to the top of my lungs, banging on the steering wheel many times. My hands were numb from the banging on the wheel. She said she was sorry. I didn't believe her. I told her, "No, you're not. Quit lying to yourself, you are not sorry for what you did. We made a promise to each other. If we were not happy, that we should leave each other. I never, NEVER, would have thought about doing what you. I never once cheated on any of my previous girlfriends before you." She says "I'm sorry, I really am. You have to forgive me in order for us to move on. You have to." I shake my head and started to cry. I have never cried for woman. Surely, that would be the last time I would ever do. We kept trying after that. But we would have our fights and yes, triggers did come by. I see the point of this article. I have to forgive, even if she did break our promise. But I have no respect, love or admiration for this woman anymore. I cannot allow my anger to get the best of me anymore. I will forgive her, but won't forget ever. My peace of mind right now is my most precious thing for me, aside from my children. But I don't think reconciliation will be a topic of discussion for us. The one thing I can say is, I will pay for forgiveness. That will be my last debt to this relationship. Because all of my currencies we're put into this marriage, like God intended. But I do not have spare change for reconciliation. Thank you for the article and God bless all in this endeavor of self-restitution.
This is exactly what I feel
This article gives the best explanation to what I am feeling right now. My biggest problem is I can't forgive my wife. There was something we discussed before the affair. We told each other this promise, if we are not happy with each other, then we should break the marriage. Did we have problems in our relationship? Yes we did. The signs were there of course. I am not going to paint this like we had a good marriage. We didn't. Like Campbell, it happened with somebody from her job. The other guy was also married also. At the time, she worked late night shifts. I remember one night we were laying in our bed watching TV. Then, a small argument popped up about an affair that happened on the show. Her and I started to have a small argument about it, just like any couple would. She then goes and tells me that, a guy at work kissed her. I am looking at her, silently. I didn't know what to say at that time. She replies with "What? You don't believe me?" It wasn't that I didn't believe her, it was more as to "why did you let him" type of feeling. We went back to watching the show again. Needless to say, that small seed of doubt was now planted in my head. Honestly, I didn't mind it that much. Jealousy has never been in my vocabulary. We talked about it one day. We sat down and talked about what was wrong between us and how to fix it. We were good after that. One Saturday night, we went on a movie date. We sat down by an ice cream parlor at the mall, while waiting for the movie to start. She brought up the kiss from the guy at her work and she said, "It was just a kiss." At that point in moment I said "don't worry about it and let's move on." Things were good for a while. She then started to act strangely, and we went back again to her and I fighting. Getting upset about things that weren't done around the house. Which they were. One day, her mother and I were sitting at the dining table. She wanted to talk to us about how things were not getting done. She threw a fit about how things were not getting done. At that point, I said I quit. That night, I told her I'm leaving. I started looking for apartments around the area and getting information on the web. She saw me on my laptop and saw what I was doing. We did not talk for days on. One night in the summer, she wanted to talk me. We put our kids to bed first. We went into the living room to go talk. We started talking and right there and then, she dropped the bombshell on me. She told me she had cheated on me with the same guy, whom apparently gave her "that kiss." My mind went numb. I lost all sense of emotion. I didn't know what to say. My mind was not racing at all. I was just trying to process this in my head. When she said, "talk to me," I couldn't. I was numbed completely. I told her, "I need to go for a walk." I invited her, she refused. So I said, "well I do. I'll be back. On that walk, I tried to make sense of things. I couldn't. I tried to get angry about it, I couldn't do that either. The feeling wasn't there. After I finished my walk and came back home and sat down. She was there, crying of course. I thought, "what are you crying for?" After composing myself, she asks, "what do we do now?" By all means, right there and then I wanted a divorce. But I reconsider everything we had. I decided to stay in the marriage. We decided to go to marriage counseling. We started doing it, but I wasn't there mentally. Honestly, I really wasn't putting effort. I gave up. One session, it just came out of me. The elephant in the room, the affair. After that session, I left upset from it. We went to the supermarket to get a few things. She tried to hold my hand but I abruptly pulled it away, with a grin look on my face. When we got home, we were in the parking lot. She wanted to talk. I was raging inside. She asked what was wrong. Right there and then, I blew up. I screamed to the top of my lungs, banging on the steering wheel many times. My hands were numb from the banging on the wheel. She said she was sorry. I didn't believe her. I told her, "No, you're not. Quit lying to yourself, you are not sorry for what you did. We made a promise to each other. If we were not happy, that we should leave each other. I never, NEVER, would have thought about doing what you. I never once cheated on any of my previous girlfriends before you." She says "I'm sorry, I really am. You have to forgive me in order for us to move on. You have to." I shake my head and started to cry. I have never cried for woman. Surely, that would be the last time I would ever do. We kept trying after that. But we would have our fights and yes, triggers did come by. I see the point of this article. I have to forgive, even if she did break our promise. But I have no respect, love or admiration for this woman anymore. I cannot allow my anger to get the best of me anymore. I will forgive her, but won't forget ever. My peace of mind right now is my most precious thing for me, aside from my children. But I don't think reconciliation will be a topic of discussion for us. The one thing I can say is, I will pay for forgiveness. That will be my last debt to this relationship. Because all of my currencies we're put into this marriage, like God intended. But I do not have spare change for reconciliation. Thank you for the article and God bless all in this endeavor of self-restitution.