I found out almost exactly a year ago about my husband's (together 18 years at that time) 10-month affair with a married co-worker. He had called it off just before my discovery. I "knew" for quite awhile, but he kept lying about it. He is a lousy liar, so I played his messages, and was horrified at what I heard. He was an honest man before meeting her. Our marriage was in an incredibly dark place when it began/continued. No excuse for the choices he made, but he knows that now, and is trying hard to earn my forgiveness and trust. It is incredibly hard because he still works with her. I know it's best if he can get another job, but the economy stinks, and I would be even more resentful if I have to pick up the financial slack in our family because he chose to have an affair. So, he switched areas and schedules at work (but not departments), checks in with me 2-3 times a day, changed his cell phone number (she didn't honor his continual requests to stop calling), is home when he is supposed to be, provides receipts when he runs errands, and most of all, is "courting me again." He was providing daily reports of "encounters" at work, as she walks by his cubicle 10 times a day to use the restroom, leave the building, etc. That, however, was putting us between a rock and a hard place. While it was building trust, it was also torture for me to hear about her that much. She occasionally would make quick snide comments about me or be sure to mention "his wife" knowing he couldn't respond without starting something in front of co-workers, who are unaware of the situation. I am the enemy to her, as I "won" in her words. Our counselor suggested we have 1-2 conversations per week to bring me up to speed unless there is something crucial I need to hear about. Daily conversations about her were killing me. Any other ideas?
He Still Works with Her
I found out almost exactly a year ago about my husband's (together 18 years at that time) 10-month affair with a married co-worker. He had called it off just before my discovery. I "knew" for quite awhile, but he kept lying about it. He is a lousy liar, so I played his messages, and was horrified at what I heard. He was an honest man before meeting her. Our marriage was in an incredibly dark place when it began/continued. No excuse for the choices he made, but he knows that now, and is trying hard to earn my forgiveness and trust. It is incredibly hard because he still works with her. I know it's best if he can get another job, but the economy stinks, and I would be even more resentful if I have to pick up the financial slack in our family because he chose to have an affair. So, he switched areas and schedules at work (but not departments), checks in with me 2-3 times a day, changed his cell phone number (she didn't honor his continual requests to stop calling), is home when he is supposed to be, provides receipts when he runs errands, and most of all, is "courting me again." He was providing daily reports of "encounters" at work, as she walks by his cubicle 10 times a day to use the restroom, leave the building, etc. That, however, was putting us between a rock and a hard place. While it was building trust, it was also torture for me to hear about her that much. She occasionally would make quick snide comments about me or be sure to mention "his wife" knowing he couldn't respond without starting something in front of co-workers, who are unaware of the situation. I am the enemy to her, as I "won" in her words. Our counselor suggested we have 1-2 conversations per week to bring me up to speed unless there is something crucial I need to hear about. Daily conversations about her were killing me. Any other ideas?