I am looking for advice on my situation. I discovered my husbands emotional affair in Oct of 2018. It was very painful and he was very good when I woke him at night upset and asking questions. Unfortunate a lot of his responses were I don’t know. A month later I discovered he had been texting her still after all the pain he had watched me go thru. He got on his hands and knees and begged me to let him stay and promised he wouldn’t do it again and said “he would get help”. Unfortunately we did not go to counseling and things seemed great as he was very open with everything (so it seems) and life was great. My gut told me that I should log into his Apple ID on a different computer to just keep my mind from going crazy and to prove he wasn’t contacting her big end my back. Well... 4 months later, I discovered a “generic” text to her asking about if her parents would like some fresh perch. And of course she responded yes and he said ok I will find a way to drop it off somewhere for you. Well low and behold I was leaving that weekend to go to FL for a few days... he then again swears he doesn’t know why he reached out to her. He begs for me to let him stay and I love him so again it’s another cycle. His father passes away 9 months later and my gut is telling me (it actually was telling me this 4 months prior but I ignored it) that he had another cell phone hidden. Well Christmas Eve I have his truck and low and behold my gut says reach behind the seat and there it is. I read only one text which says “I hope you ladies have fun tonight” and which is to a different cell number than the other woman so I click out of that conversation and see “her” number but don’t read anything... I am sick to my stomach and drive home to confront him. In our confrontation he gets the phone out of my hands and smashes it so I can’t read it. I am devastated once again but it is Xmas eve and we have children that are most important to think about. So I tell him that he has 2 days and then needs to get out. During this time he is ever so loving and regretful so I let him stay and tell him that I am choosing to let him stay bc I don’t want to be with anyone else. Needless to say, 4 months later the police show up at my door accusing me of leaving this other woman a threatening message of which I absolutely did not as I wanted to just forget about her. Well I explain I was no where with cell service and my husband who was with me vouches for me. The next day the other woman texts me apologizing for it all and then the police call to say she found out it was another woman. Anyways, my husband says he didn’t reach out to her and doesn’t want anything to do with her. My question to everyone here is....
Am I an idiot for taking him back and is he going to do it again to me and is he still contacting her or will he eventually? I have been married to him for 28 years and have loved him since I was 12 but unfortunately he knows this. What do I do? How do I explain to him the pain that I feel every day without him just blowing up and being angry that I won’t let it go?
Looking for Advice from others
I am looking for advice on my situation. I discovered my husbands emotional affair in Oct of 2018. It was very painful and he was very good when I woke him at night upset and asking questions. Unfortunate a lot of his responses were I don’t know. A month later I discovered he had been texting her still after all the pain he had watched me go thru. He got on his hands and knees and begged me to let him stay and promised he wouldn’t do it again and said “he would get help”. Unfortunately we did not go to counseling and things seemed great as he was very open with everything (so it seems) and life was great. My gut told me that I should log into his Apple ID on a different computer to just keep my mind from going crazy and to prove he wasn’t contacting her big end my back. Well... 4 months later, I discovered a “generic” text to her asking about if her parents would like some fresh perch. And of course she responded yes and he said ok I will find a way to drop it off somewhere for you. Well low and behold I was leaving that weekend to go to FL for a few days... he then again swears he doesn’t know why he reached out to her. He begs for me to let him stay and I love him so again it’s another cycle. His father passes away 9 months later and my gut is telling me (it actually was telling me this 4 months prior but I ignored it) that he had another cell phone hidden. Well Christmas Eve I have his truck and low and behold my gut says reach behind the seat and there it is. I read only one text which says “I hope you ladies have fun tonight” and which is to a different cell number than the other woman so I click out of that conversation and see “her” number but don’t read anything... I am sick to my stomach and drive home to confront him. In our confrontation he gets the phone out of my hands and smashes it so I can’t read it. I am devastated once again but it is Xmas eve and we have children that are most important to think about. So I tell him that he has 2 days and then needs to get out. During this time he is ever so loving and regretful so I let him stay and tell him that I am choosing to let him stay bc I don’t want to be with anyone else. Needless to say, 4 months later the police show up at my door accusing me of leaving this other woman a threatening message of which I absolutely did not as I wanted to just forget about her. Well I explain I was no where with cell service and my husband who was with me vouches for me. The next day the other woman texts me apologizing for it all and then the police call to say she found out it was another woman. Anyways, my husband says he didn’t reach out to her and doesn’t want anything to do with her. My question to everyone here is....
Am I an idiot for taking him back and is he going to do it again to me and is he still contacting her or will he eventually? I have been married to him for 28 years and have loved him since I was 12 but unfortunately he knows this. What do I do? How do I explain to him the pain that I feel every day without him just blowing up and being angry that I won’t let it go?