I am 14 month post discovery and I'm still so angry at my husband. Every time I am around him I am angry and every time he speaks my first thoughts are "is this the truth or a lie". For background sake, I accidentally saw an email between my husband and another woman when my husband handed his phone to me for some help. I later looked through his phone and found many others between him and a total of 5 other women which were inappropriate (flirty) and mentioned many dinner "dates" (my word). Many were signed "all my love" or similar and had comments like "you looked so beautiful last night" or "I miss you so much, if only I could hold your hand" or similar comments. When confronted, he said they were just friends, nothing happened, etc. He admits that he told at least one of the women that his marriage was problematic. As far as I knew, we had a good marriage with the exception that my retired husband was always gone (to the gym, library, etc). I had asked to spend more time together which he ignored. So I have multiple problems,
1. The mutiple relationships (at least emotional, if not physical). He claims they were nothing and to just get over it.
2. Lying - he was taking these women out to dinner, lunch, etc and not telling me what he was doing (omission), or outright lying saying he was going to a meeting, but going elsewhere
3. Deceit - he was paying for meals with gift cards he bought as part of grocery shopping so I wouldn't know (I handle finances).
4 I thought our marriage was good and he told at least one women that our marriage was problematic. Said he felt distance, but yet he was always gone, probably has something to do with feeling guilty on his part.
When I first discovered all this, I asked him to leave. He asked that we go to counceling, which we did, but it was a waste of time and money. He either continued to lie or acted like a jerk. I cancelled joint sessions after 8 sessions and went on my own for another 4 or 5. I then moved to my daughters to help out with her kids for 6 months (mainly to get a break from the situations). Now it is time to go back home. How can I escape the anger when husband is not really sorry (says I'm sorry I hurt you). I think all relationships have been ended, but how am I to be sure since he was able to fool me so completely in the past. I did make it clear that if any thing else occurred, our marriage would be over. I don't wear my wedding ring anymore since I feel vows were broken. He still wears his.
So how do I get out of this mess of anger and get back to my old happy self. I want my old life back (but not with my husband if any of those old behaviors contine).
Sooooo angry
I am 14 month post discovery and I'm still so angry at my husband. Every time I am around him I am angry and every time he speaks my first thoughts are "is this the truth or a lie". For background sake, I accidentally saw an email between my husband and another woman when my husband handed his phone to me for some help. I later looked through his phone and found many others between him and a total of 5 other women which were inappropriate (flirty) and mentioned many dinner "dates" (my word). Many were signed "all my love" or similar and had comments like "you looked so beautiful last night" or "I miss you so much, if only I could hold your hand" or similar comments. When confronted, he said they were just friends, nothing happened, etc. He admits that he told at least one of the women that his marriage was problematic. As far as I knew, we had a good marriage with the exception that my retired husband was always gone (to the gym, library, etc). I had asked to spend more time together which he ignored. So I have multiple problems,
1. The mutiple relationships (at least emotional, if not physical). He claims they were nothing and to just get over it.
2. Lying - he was taking these women out to dinner, lunch, etc and not telling me what he was doing (omission), or outright lying saying he was going to a meeting, but going elsewhere
3. Deceit - he was paying for meals with gift cards he bought as part of grocery shopping so I wouldn't know (I handle finances).
4 I thought our marriage was good and he told at least one women that our marriage was problematic. Said he felt distance, but yet he was always gone, probably has something to do with feeling guilty on his part.
When I first discovered all this, I asked him to leave. He asked that we go to counceling, which we did, but it was a waste of time and money. He either continued to lie or acted like a jerk. I cancelled joint sessions after 8 sessions and went on my own for another 4 or 5. I then moved to my daughters to help out with her kids for 6 months (mainly to get a break from the situations). Now it is time to go back home. How can I escape the anger when husband is not really sorry (says I'm sorry I hurt you). I think all relationships have been ended, but how am I to be sure since he was able to fool me so completely in the past. I did make it clear that if any thing else occurred, our marriage would be over. I don't wear my wedding ring anymore since I feel vows were broken. He still wears his.
So how do I get out of this mess of anger and get back to my old happy self. I want my old life back (but not with my husband if any of those old behaviors contine).