jana,
that's a tough one for sure. my kids were very little when it all came crashing down, so it was different. they are now, younger than yours, but older indeed.
there's just no easy answer. i do know that Rick does help with kids of unfaithful's and betrayed and has some insight for sure on it. do you have access to his weekly q and a session on the site? i'd email in a q about it and see if he can answer it. i bet he will as I know he does his best to answer any and all q's about that sort of stuff.
for me, i'd encourage you to model recovery and restoration. kids never want to be away (long anyway) from a house that's loving, kind, and full of support. id model a sense of healthy and wholeness in your own health to help them see God can restore and redeem and HEAL. as they see that and watch it, i think they will grab hold of what they see. the proof is in what they SEE as i worked with high school and college kids for 10 years. they love to see healing in front of them. if they see continued hurt and continued residue, it keeps them stunted and stuck as well. i hope i said that right, but as you model what it means to be healed, they grab hold of it and its like a sense of comfort to them. they heal as they see you are healed. that's my perspective anyway. i sure hope that helps in some way. im so grateful for your support and time here on the site. please let me know if there is anything I can ever do to help you and your family in any way possible.
kids