My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 12 in July. He started a new job in what I thought was an all male profession (mechanic in a steel mill) but theres one female and she picked him. Shes the polar opposite of me, rough and brash, drinks and parties.. I don't know how it started but the phone calls began in Dec 2017, which I discovered in late March by trusting my gut that something wasn't right with him. I had no idea the content of those calls so it was easy for him to tell me they meant nothing. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, the text conversation he forgot to delete before finally letting me look into his phone. The words "my love", the very words he says to me in text messages, will not stop playing over and over in my mind. To a stranger who tells him she can't stop thinking about him and how much she loves him. He says he ended it, I know the calls and texts stopped because they had to, I monitor everything. But they still work together on the same shift.. I can't move forward, I get only responses but no answers. There's been no confession of how or when or what else they've talked about, just the usual "there was never a physical aspect at all, she means nothing, what else do you want me to say?" he has drifted for a couple of years into who he was before he was saved which was the man I met and fell in love with who was married at the time. Yep, I was the other woman, same situation.. Coworkers. Unappreciated husband. He left her and moved in with me. We have 3 children, he has 3 from his first 2 marriages. Both ended the same way it seems. And here we are. Am I any different? I now know the horror I was the accomplice to which hurts almost as much as knowing I'm in the same boat. The only difference is we both received Christ early in our marriage so there's hope that what could be another tragedy might have some chance of survival if we both are all in. Not that I feel I deserve it but I'm thankful we serve a God of mercy and grace and we are now praying together, something we've never been able to do. I took him for granted for 12 years, we coasted into complacency, I had no idea we'd end up here. So, we are in desperate need of true therapy and counseling not only for this but for the years that led up to it. I'm struggling with this more than I could have ever imagined.. Thank you for this blog and the resources, they are helping me understand this whole thing better and giving me hope that there is life after this nightmare!
Just 2 weeks ago...
My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 12 in July. He started a new job in what I thought was an all male profession (mechanic in a steel mill) but theres one female and she picked him. Shes the polar opposite of me, rough and brash, drinks and parties.. I don't know how it started but the phone calls began in Dec 2017, which I discovered in late March by trusting my gut that something wasn't right with him. I had no idea the content of those calls so it was easy for him to tell me they meant nothing. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, the text conversation he forgot to delete before finally letting me look into his phone. The words "my love", the very words he says to me in text messages, will not stop playing over and over in my mind. To a stranger who tells him she can't stop thinking about him and how much she loves him. He says he ended it, I know the calls and texts stopped because they had to, I monitor everything. But they still work together on the same shift.. I can't move forward, I get only responses but no answers. There's been no confession of how or when or what else they've talked about, just the usual "there was never a physical aspect at all, she means nothing, what else do you want me to say?" he has drifted for a couple of years into who he was before he was saved which was the man I met and fell in love with who was married at the time. Yep, I was the other woman, same situation.. Coworkers. Unappreciated husband. He left her and moved in with me. We have 3 children, he has 3 from his first 2 marriages. Both ended the same way it seems. And here we are. Am I any different? I now know the horror I was the accomplice to which hurts almost as much as knowing I'm in the same boat. The only difference is we both received Christ early in our marriage so there's hope that what could be another tragedy might have some chance of survival if we both are all in. Not that I feel I deserve it but I'm thankful we serve a God of mercy and grace and we are now praying together, something we've never been able to do. I took him for granted for 12 years, we coasted into complacency, I had no idea we'd end up here. So, we are in desperate need of true therapy and counseling not only for this but for the years that led up to it. I'm struggling with this more than I could have ever imagined.. Thank you for this blog and the resources, they are helping me understand this whole thing better and giving me hope that there is life after this nightmare!