Samuel, your writing is exactly how I wish my husband felt.. I wonder what he is feeling all the time. I feel like i have been shut out from his inner life since his affair began almost a year ago. He blamed me and saved every negative comment i made as a justification for his affair. His needs were not getting met by me, but I wonder if I will ever know what he needs. He chooses not to look back on his behavior to find any meaning on how we must proceed, and I think it's shame that he is mired in that is preventing him from having any empathy for me. I love everything you write about how you as the unfaithful have had to unravel and make sense of this journey that involves your poor choices and how it hurt so many people. How you learned from it to create the marriage that you probably always wanted minus the scar tissue.
I try to send him all these articles and I don't think he reads any of them... I don't even think he has God in his life... D-day was last July and we nearly divorced, separated for 3 months and so much bad stuff in between. He was addicted to his broken taco affair partner and I couldn't get him to tell me the truth. I still feel like i don't know the whole story. He has and always will protect her and hold her, I fear, in higher esteem than he holds me. I pray every day for the Lord to give me the strength to know wether i should stay with someone who doesn't value me and protect my heart and the sacred connection I thought we had. He's been home since Christmas and he is my biggest trigger. Not sure how to handle the triggers in a way that he will respond positively towards me.
I recognize that God is giving me this Cross to bear for a purpose and I know that it is more about honoring who I am and my faith in God, not in my spouse.
Thank you for all your insight into the psyche of the unfaithful.
I am mired in frustration...
Samuel, your writing is exactly how I wish my husband felt.. I wonder what he is feeling all the time. I feel like i have been shut out from his inner life since his affair began almost a year ago. He blamed me and saved every negative comment i made as a justification for his affair. His needs were not getting met by me, but I wonder if I will ever know what he needs. He chooses not to look back on his behavior to find any meaning on how we must proceed, and I think it's shame that he is mired in that is preventing him from having any empathy for me. I love everything you write about how you as the unfaithful have had to unravel and make sense of this journey that involves your poor choices and how it hurt so many people. How you learned from it to create the marriage that you probably always wanted minus the scar tissue.
I try to send him all these articles and I don't think he reads any of them... I don't even think he has God in his life... D-day was last July and we nearly divorced, separated for 3 months and so much bad stuff in between. He was addicted to his broken taco affair partner and I couldn't get him to tell me the truth. I still feel like i don't know the whole story. He has and always will protect her and hold her, I fear, in higher esteem than he holds me. I pray every day for the Lord to give me the strength to know wether i should stay with someone who doesn't value me and protect my heart and the sacred connection I thought we had. He's been home since Christmas and he is my biggest trigger. Not sure how to handle the triggers in a way that he will respond positively towards me.
I recognize that God is giving me this Cross to bear for a purpose and I know that it is more about honoring who I am and my faith in God, not in my spouse.
Thank you for all your insight into the psyche of the unfaithful.