Forgiveness

Everyone reading your comment will feel your pain. As all betrayed spouses will know, there is no comparable pain. It does literally feel like your heart has been broken. We understand your frustration in maintaining a "normal" dialogue with your wife for the sake of your children. Does she feel guilt - who knows, and you may possibly never know. You are to be commended for "wanting to forgive her" and I can state from my own experience that is a very slow and hard process. I am now 3 years out from D-day. I spent over 2 years trying to work towards forgiveness, only to have my trust in my partner continually tested. In the end I made the decision that I did not want to wake up every morning for the rest of my life, wondering if my husband was lying/deceiving me and as such choose to end a 41 year marriage. I try to "pretend" that my life is better, and there are some aspects that are ie complete control of the TV remote :) - but as AR notes, this is not the road that I ever planned on traveling and no matter how hard you try, painful memories do invade, if not daily on a regular basis. Stay strong for your children and seek support where you can. M