Thank you so much for the words of wisdom in your shared story. I can relate so well to the back-and-forth: "Everything is OK, we are healing and I feel close to him"--then, "What am I doing, I can never trust him again--I am better off alone"... Sometimes, this "flip-flop" happens in my head in the same day. What's really hard is that this is after 10 years since D day.
During a very difficult time in my life ten years ago, I was caring for both my agin parents and working a full-time teaching job. My husband was hooked on late-nite internet sites which he desribed as "photography groups". These turned out to be BDSM sites. He started going to meet up BDSM lifestyle groups after work, and had a two-year affair with a woman whois very unlike me. This was not only a physical affair, but an emotional one. For two years, the excuses were all related tobhis work, as he is a forensic scientist and could possibly be called to crime scenes. Instead, he had enough energy for these escapades while I was teaching full time and had to go to bed at a reasonable hour so I could get up at 5 AM to teach. Anyway, I did confront him a few times, and he right out lied to me. When I learned what had happened by viewing some texts, he tried to delete them.
Again, this was ten years ago. The process of recovery is taking us all this time and I don't have signs he has been unfaithful again. But this was a two year affair...I still f"flip-fliop" all in one day. I still want to isolate to protect myself.
Also, I don't know if others who read this blog have been hurt by their spouse's involvement in a BDSM lifestyle group without their knowledge. I think sometimes that he chose an avenue so different from me purposely to hurt me at the time.
He does love me and shows it, but I pull away from him still. We are both in therapy. God bless.
Flip-Flop
Thank you so much for the words of wisdom in your shared story. I can relate so well to the back-and-forth: "Everything is OK, we are healing and I feel close to him"--then, "What am I doing, I can never trust him again--I am better off alone"... Sometimes, this "flip-flop" happens in my head in the same day. What's really hard is that this is after 10 years since D day.
During a very difficult time in my life ten years ago, I was caring for both my agin parents and working a full-time teaching job. My husband was hooked on late-nite internet sites which he desribed as "photography groups". These turned out to be BDSM sites. He started going to meet up BDSM lifestyle groups after work, and had a two-year affair with a woman whois very unlike me. This was not only a physical affair, but an emotional one. For two years, the excuses were all related tobhis work, as he is a forensic scientist and could possibly be called to crime scenes. Instead, he had enough energy for these escapades while I was teaching full time and had to go to bed at a reasonable hour so I could get up at 5 AM to teach. Anyway, I did confront him a few times, and he right out lied to me. When I learned what had happened by viewing some texts, he tried to delete them.
Again, this was ten years ago. The process of recovery is taking us all this time and I don't have signs he has been unfaithful again. But this was a two year affair...I still f"flip-fliop" all in one day. I still want to isolate to protect myself.
Also, I don't know if others who read this blog have been hurt by their spouse's involvement in a BDSM lifestyle group without their knowledge. I think sometimes that he chose an avenue so different from me purposely to hurt me at the time.
He does love me and shows it, but I pull away from him still. We are both in therapy. God bless.