I'm so sorry for your situation and your pain. It is something no one really understands until they experience it directly.
90 days is so fresh. I empathize with you. I know it probably feels like every day is an eternity in the midst of so much pain and depression, but in reality this journey is long (I'm sorry to say) so it would be very hard to feel improvement quite yet. You're absolutely right - sometimes breathing and praying is about all we can do.
However - even though the journey is longer than any of us would like, it doesn't mean you will feel exactly like you do today for a long time. We are all different, but looking back, I can say there are many layers and stages. Pain is difficult no matter what, but the intensity does lessen over time and with good intentional work. I'm sorry you are left to do this on your own without your fiance, but I gently ask you to consider being more realistic with the people closest to you. I masked my pain for an extended time (I will be writing about that sometime) and it was very counterproductive. If you are not already in therapy I also highly suggest trauma therapy, even for a short time, to validate what you are feeling and set you on the right track.
I wish you well and am glad you found this community to support you in this very difficult time.
Raphael
I'm so sorry for your situation and your pain. It is something no one really understands until they experience it directly.
90 days is so fresh. I empathize with you. I know it probably feels like every day is an eternity in the midst of so much pain and depression, but in reality this journey is long (I'm sorry to say) so it would be very hard to feel improvement quite yet. You're absolutely right - sometimes breathing and praying is about all we can do.
However - even though the journey is longer than any of us would like, it doesn't mean you will feel exactly like you do today for a long time. We are all different, but looking back, I can say there are many layers and stages. Pain is difficult no matter what, but the intensity does lessen over time and with good intentional work. I'm sorry you are left to do this on your own without your fiance, but I gently ask you to consider being more realistic with the people closest to you. I masked my pain for an extended time (I will be writing about that sometime) and it was very counterproductive. If you are not already in therapy I also highly suggest trauma therapy, even for a short time, to validate what you are feeling and set you on the right track.
I wish you well and am glad you found this community to support you in this very difficult time.