Affair Recovery

Diana, thank you for your comment and thoughts. i do believe we get there through the quality of help we get, the willingness to get healthy and implement the help we receive and time. i got there pretty quick as I was fortunate to have rick and a strong mentor helping me see the light and come out of the fog. without that, i'm not sure i would have come out of the fog as quickly as i did, and it would have taken a while. but provided he gets the right help, he will in fact, sober up and come to a place where (if he's not there already) that he realizes it was a fantasy and was based on escapism and not real life. provided he is pressing in if you will, to the help and insight of expert help, he will sober up and see things for what they were: a dream world. he may have legitimate feelings for that person, but its like it's on steroids though due to the fact that it's not real life with mood swings, bills, kids, demands, etc etc. for me, i never want to go back and never want to be the person i was back then. what's vital is understanding that if i don't stay true to my own personal and marital boundaries i can let myself (and feel myself) or samantha can see my sliding back into old habits. now let's face it, it's been 10 years, so it's not like i'm fading backwards. but i have a new lifestyle and new set of boundaries and new way of living that we've had for about 9 years. it prevents me from goin back to the person i was who was rude, insensitive, demanding, self righteous, narcissistic, and a workaholic. so we have boundaries now. but, if i'm working too hard, or not getting enough sleep, or stressing out, i can start to go backwards and danger signs start to happen and NO ONE sees them sooner than samantha. i hope this all helps. i'm sorry if it's a bit scatterbrained, but i wanted to answer as soon as I was able to. happy to keep talking. you can also get a quicker response or more info on twitter at @infidelityscars