I am having a really hard time moving forward from my husband’s affair with his first love from 35 years ago. At first, we were starting to heal. Then, the AP kept texting my husband. She was not only texting him how much she wanted him and pictures, but also horrible things about me (she’s never met me) physically, my character, my competence in my career. She kept talking about how great her kids are that she’s raised as a single mother, and how our youngest would love living with her. She would stop the contact for about a month, then continue. She even started addressing me directly in the hateful messages, all the while telling my husband how horrible I am and how much she wants him. I developed severe ptsd. I became like a mama bear backed in a corner, terrified to protect her cubs. I no longer recognized myself, as my self-esteem plummeted to below zero. I was constantly on edge and took my fear and pain out on my husband with anger. I couldn’t understand why he won’t protect me, our marriage, and our kids from her. I have now found out that he gave her a secret email and used an old phone to communicate with her the past 6 months. He says it was because I kept getting upset, and he wanted to build trust with her to find out why she was so horrible to me. She manipulates the conversation to the degree that now he is not sure whether he wants to continue our marriage. I am more devastated by this renewed secret contact with my husband after him knowing what she has done to me with intent, then the one-time physical encounter 3 years ago. I am living a nightmare that I never saw coming (either time) and can’t get away from. My husband will not end it with her forever. I just want to call her to ask her why she would intentionally do this to another woman. I feel like I need to do this to regain some self-respect. Thoughts?
AP
I am having a really hard time moving forward from my husband’s affair with his first love from 35 years ago. At first, we were starting to heal. Then, the AP kept texting my husband. She was not only texting him how much she wanted him and pictures, but also horrible things about me (she’s never met me) physically, my character, my competence in my career. She kept talking about how great her kids are that she’s raised as a single mother, and how our youngest would love living with her. She would stop the contact for about a month, then continue. She even started addressing me directly in the hateful messages, all the while telling my husband how horrible I am and how much she wants him. I developed severe ptsd. I became like a mama bear backed in a corner, terrified to protect her cubs. I no longer recognized myself, as my self-esteem plummeted to below zero. I was constantly on edge and took my fear and pain out on my husband with anger. I couldn’t understand why he won’t protect me, our marriage, and our kids from her. I have now found out that he gave her a secret email and used an old phone to communicate with her the past 6 months. He says it was because I kept getting upset, and he wanted to build trust with her to find out why she was so horrible to me. She manipulates the conversation to the degree that now he is not sure whether he wants to continue our marriage. I am more devastated by this renewed secret contact with my husband after him knowing what she has done to me with intent, then the one-time physical encounter 3 years ago. I am living a nightmare that I never saw coming (either time) and can’t get away from. My husband will not end it with her forever. I just want to call her to ask her why she would intentionally do this to another woman. I feel like I need to do this to regain some self-respect. Thoughts?