I think the reason that I continue to ask questions now at 9 weeks is in the (vain) hope that the next answer will be better, smaller, somehow lessen the pain that I feel. It reminds me of a small child who asks after an injury, "Is there blood?" as though if told "No, it isn't bleeding" they can look, relax a bit, and know that they will be okay/handle the pain. I suspect that at this time I need to let go of the asking. My spouse is genuinely trying to make things right, not hiding things deliberately any longer - but I am still told "I don't remember" and "I don't know" in reply to most of my questions. Ten years of EA deception in a 20 year marriage, and an additional simultaneous text and phone relationship with another AP for the past 3.5 years. How do we know when we really have enough information to trust again - rationally? I hope this helps someone else to recognize and let go of questioning if they're hoping to find "soothing" in the answers, it doesn't seem very likely or productive, still we keep hoping.
Looking for answers to lessen the pain
I think the reason that I continue to ask questions now at 9 weeks is in the (vain) hope that the next answer will be better, smaller, somehow lessen the pain that I feel. It reminds me of a small child who asks after an injury, "Is there blood?" as though if told "No, it isn't bleeding" they can look, relax a bit, and know that they will be okay/handle the pain. I suspect that at this time I need to let go of the asking. My spouse is genuinely trying to make things right, not hiding things deliberately any longer - but I am still told "I don't remember" and "I don't know" in reply to most of my questions. Ten years of EA deception in a 20 year marriage, and an additional simultaneous text and phone relationship with another AP for the past 3.5 years. How do we know when we really have enough information to trust again - rationally? I hope this helps someone else to recognize and let go of questioning if they're hoping to find "soothing" in the answers, it doesn't seem very likely or productive, still we keep hoping.